My Life After 50.....

2012-01-10T13:54:00.001-06:00

I lost a baby at 4 months, and then several othermiscarriages happened. I didn’t think I was ever going to have a child. I wentthrough surgery so that I could have one last chance to get pregnant, and Idid. The pregnancy was normal and I carried full term, only to realize threedays before she was delivered – she was gone.

She was stillborn on February 28th, 1976 I delivered an 8lb baby girl, blue eyed, blonde - WendyRenee. I thought my life was at an end. Yet, God’s word keep coming to mind thathe would “lift me on the wings of an eagle” until I could walk again. And hedid.

By what the doctors called a miracle I again conceivedand delivered twins. This pregnancy was a nightmare of wondering if I was goingto have no baby, one baby or two babies. I had no idea if they would live ornot. In 1977 NICU was increasing in their knowledge to help small babies, asthey were born 7 weeks premature. They made it. Not without problems, Jen hadtotal heart failure at 13 days old, at 18 months Jeremy had meningitis and Jenhad another problem – but God healed them each time.

After delivering Wendy and going through 9 months ofrecovering and then becoming pregnant again the whirlwind of not knowing was agreat deal of trauma for me.

My babies are now 34 years old. God got me through it. Iam praying he will get me through this next part of my story; I am sure he will– HE NEVER FAILS. He promised to carry us at our weakest time and be by usthrough all things. As with Wendy, all I have to do is reach up and he will bereaching down to me.

Right now – it doesn’t seem that way.

I am usually the strong one in a crisis, I am usuallyable to get over it, get up and go on. Not this time. I don’t know how to makemyself better.

In 2010 I went through two horrible family deaths; I wasable to stay on top of it, help others get through it and be the “strong” one.However, after dad died I fell deep and I can’t get back on top.

I used to scrapbook, sew, go for walks, do photo-walk’swith a group of friends or just go take photo’s myself. I was on the computer alot, now I hardly get on it except at work. I don’t want to do anything. Myblogging days have long since passed. No one wants to hear about problems andsadness.

I am depressed, but on anti-depressants. I think maybe Ineed to get off the anti-depressants but then I think – what would I be likewithout them?

My sister’s death was horrible, unexpected and tragic. Iwas with her at the hospital soon after her accident. I helped her understandwhat had happened and let her make the decision to not do anything to preserveher life as it was going to be.

No one wants to live paralyzed, on a respirator the restof her life. Women take care of their families, are active in church, go placeswith friends; not let them take care of them. Instead she decided to not live. Shechose to have everything removed from her. We stayed with her until the end.

My father gave up that day, in fact, he collapsed when hewalked into her room and seen her on the bed. He was already sick but afterlosing my sister he went downhill very fast. Mom and I took care of him and satwith him during his 15 hospice days at home and were there when he passed.

These were within seven months of each other in 2010. Nowwe are starting 2012 and I want my life back. Yet, I don’t know how.

I know they say grief takes time – but how long? Isn’t ayear long enough?

I just pulled up an article about grieving and it saidasking how long the grieving process will last is like ask how high is UP?

My body and my mind will know when it is time to come offthis and let me start living again. I guess that makes sense. Grieving is aprocess that needs to be talked out – and when someone has lost not one but twoof the most important people in your life, others don’t know what to say sothey say nothing. Therefore, the grieving person is left alone with the processof trying to figure it out alone.

I have picked out a very bright star that I talk to, likeI am talking to them. I am sure they can’t hear me, but I talk to them anyway.I tell Caroline how much I loved her and hated that we were never able to livecloser to each other. I tell dad how sorry I am that I had to give himmedication at the end that he did not want.

Dad was a carpenter and for over a year I was unable tomake even the simplest decisions of how I wanted to redecorate my kitchen. Howto pick out tile, how to have granite lain. My mind had closed, confused andthe thought of doing anything without asking him first was just unconceivable. Untilfinally one day I was able to say this is the granite I want, this is what theback splash will be and we got it done. I think he would like it.

Life goes on day by day, one hour at a time, eventually Iwill be okay. God is with me and helps me get through those days. He helps metalk to mom and listen to her. She has never lived by herself in her life andthis has been extremely hard on her.

I try to help her with decisions she needs to make, and Ipush things on her that I don’t mean too. In my mind for her own good.Sometimes I become the parent and she is the child. Yet, she is not; she isstill capable of making her own decisions. I have to stand back and let hertravel this same journey I am on – she has to grieve too.

I see her house falling apart and know how much money itis going to take to fix it up. She sees the home she raised my sister and I in;that she and dad lived in for over 40 years.

It is her home,not a building, not something that she is ready to give up yet. She is goingthrough drawers, closets and downsizing a little at a time. Just like me. Shehas to do it in her time, at her own pace. When she is ready she will know it.

So for now, she and I will continue to heal, slowly. Wewill know when things are better and we will feel better. Until then I willrely on God to keep us both in his arms and help us get through it.

Study finds fewer women are attending church

2011-09-04T18:12:00.001-05:00

Studyfinds fewer women are attending church

Ifound this article in the Wichita Eagle of Saturday, Sept. 3rd; it was writtenby Helen T. Gray of the McClatchy News Papers of Kansas City.

Thearticle had many interesting facts in it, some that have been in my thoughtsfor a long time now. Growing up I found that the women were the backbone of thechurch. The pastor was always a man, the directors, deacons and other “highposition” jobs were men.

Ms. Graywent on to say: “Women have been the ones to organize the Vacation Bible School,the church rummage sale, the hospitality dimensions of congregations’ life,etc.” “(Today) “They simply do not have the energy to sustain these patternswhile working full time, rearing children, etc.”

I totallyagree with her. The world has changedbut the church has not evolved with it.

PersonallyI would enjoy a group of women who got together for bible study, book club;topical study or whatever was decided. Yet, it would have to be in the eveningswhen most women are doing laundry, fixing supper for their families, cleaningand shuffling their children to soccer, cheer camp or whatever activity theyare in. So again that leaves the women trying to find time to go to them andjoin in.

Traditionallyif a woman stops going to church then the husband and children don’t go. Thusthe decline in attendance at most churches. Why would they want to go to churchif all they were doing was being ask to babysit, teach, attend meetings (mostof which are during weekdays while most women work).

As Irecall the churches of Jesus day were gatherings in the home where they brokebread and let Jesus or the elders teach. Women of the Bible taught us a lot;like Esther or Ruth for instance. I believe that women can teach and haveopinions and observations the same as men. It doesn’t have to always be ONEperson who teaches while the others listen. We can learn from each other anddiscuss what the topic is. The bible is always right; this is a given in mylife; yet sometimes it is through talking about it that the true interpretationcomes out for others.

PersonallyI have found that I don’t have to attend church to feel that God is the “all-knowing,all-powerful and perfect Creator of the universe who still rules the worldtoday” (Barnes study).

As a young child I found and accepted Christas my Savior and nothing has deterred me from that (except for a period ofquestioning all things in my teen years).

Mostchurch services today are for about 2 hours at the most – one half hour beingfor singing or praising (usually standing up when that is the last thing I wantto do that early); 15 to 30 minutes of communion, collecting the tithes andannouncements. The pastor may speak for 30 to 45 minutes at the most.

Please don’tthink I am against all church gatherings, they are very important to help teachpeople about Christ and help them learn who Christ is and to accept him astheir Savior. That is what Jesus taught us to do. I just think the church needsto minister in different ways.

Anyway, Ifound the article interesting and thought you might also.

Here isthe article, copy and paste into your header to read it.

http://www.kansas.com/2011/09/03/2000348/study-finds-fewer-women-are-attending.html

God still performs Miracles

2011-07-06T09:38:00.000-05:00

My sister’s best friend, Brenda, had an emergency hysterectomy in March. It was VERY invasive and included reorganizing a lot of organs. Her bladder had connected to her fallopian tube and they had to cut and resection the bowl to the rectum. She had a lot of pain and problems after the surgery.

The biopsy reports came back as Endometrial Cancer which is an estrogen fed type cancer. They did not know going in that it was cancer and did not remove all her female organs. They wanted to go back in immediately and clean it all out. However, her son was getting ready to graduate high school and her daughter was getting married shortly. She refused to have the surgery until after the special events.

The oncologist agreed she would wait until after the wedding but she had to be in the hospital for surgery on the following Monday after her daughter’s wedding.

The doctor tried vaginally to remove the uterus but it didn’t work so they did robotic surgery. They filled her abdomen with gas and basically moved the table so that she was standing on her head! They did 4 biopsies on her lymph nodes, took the ovaries and fallopian tubes and did an abdominal cavity flush.

She just got the results of the lab work yesterday and she is CANCER FREE. Praise the Lord he is still listening to our prayers and answering them.

Sometimes we forget that God is there to help us. We need to ask for what we need. I see a lot of shows that almost make a mockery of praying. But prayer is real. You talk to your spouse and your friends. Talk to God, he really listens and he does have time for you.

I don’t think my Mom and I could have made it through the year of losing both my sister in Feb 2010 and then my dad in September 2010 had it not been for him. He is my comfort and my light in time of heartache and trouble. He lifts me up on the wings of Angels when I cannot bare my burden alone.

I don’t “get down on my knees” to pray to him – I talk to him when driving to work, to a friend’s house or even sitting at my desk at work. I need HIS guidance in everything I do. Without him I am nothing, with him I can do all things. I have seen too many Miracles that he has preformed to even think that there is not a supreme being that cares for each of us.

I ask him to come into my heart as a young girl and even thought I turned away from him for a period during my 18-20’s, He never left my side. That still small voice would talk to me and tell me he was there – waiting for me. I rededicated my life to Him and He is my life. All one has to do is believe that God sent his Son to died for our sins, tell Him you believe and ask him to come into your heart and guide your life.

He gives me peace that withstands all human understanding.

What is amazing to me is it is there for any and everyone to do. It is so simple that people just can’t believe it. I am glad I am one that does. I hope you do too, or will think about it, believe me it is worth it.

That isn’t to say I won’t have troubles or problems along the way. We live in a sin filled world. But the creator of the universe is ever present and there for you. He doesn’t always answer prayers the way WE want, because He knows the whole story and what is best for us. Thanks for listening. Just think about it.

Update on Casey's new home

2011-06-15T12:32:00.000-05:00

Casey just wrote that she got her new house - YEAH !!!! I am so happy for her. They will be living in Park City pretty close to the Cracker Barrel. It will be an easy commute to her job and Jeremy's.

Jeremy will have a two car garage so he is happy about that. He can work on his cars at home now. The house is a two bedroom, one bath. But much better than an apartment! Nice kitchen, better than mine. lol

My kids are getting all settled so that makes me happy. Jen has been in her new apartment for a year now and loves it. It is in a beautiful area with water on two sides. They painted an "accent" wall for her when she renewed her lease.

Well, that is my update.

June 14, 2011 - I'm BACK.....

2011-06-14T12:59:00.000-05:00

I don't seem to get on and post as often as I used too. I don't scrapbook anymore - haven't since January of 2010. Yes I still have all my stuff and I have recently bought new digital papers etc to do some more on the pc with my scrapbooking.

For Father's Day, since I no longer have dad; Shutterfly was offering an 8 x 8 photo book for your dad. Well, I took the chance and made myself a book of dad. One that is beautiful when it came back. I can look at that and remember a lot of the special things to me about him. I added my sister and her family to it also. Since we lost Caroline before dad. It is just special and I am so glad I was able to do it and it is something I will enjoy for the rest of my life.

I read the story I had posted before this one about being "green", I still laugh when I read that because it is so true. I am old enough to remember most of that. The 'now' generation think they have it all figured out - with all the gadgets and all. Don't get me wrong - I am a gadget nerd and wonder how we ever lived without them. Yet, what we are doing today in our "throw away" world is destroying it. No, I am not a 'tree hugger' as the expression goes.

It just amazes me when I see how far we have come. Yet, it is bibical. The bible said men's knowledge would increase and it has. The computers that once took up a whole floor of a business is now on a small tablet you can carry in your hand. I think it is great. Yet, I wonder how it will destroy our world as we know it today.

Indentity theft is so much easier if they can hack our computers or our banks or the doctor's office. They can get everything they need to know to make a whole new YOU. Then use that to destroy you. Kind of scary isn't it?

On the home front, we have a new puppy - Nicky is a mess. She is a wild thing! Oh to cage up some of that energy and bottle it for when I need it. lol She is sure cute though and Buster has finally accepted her and they play all the time. He is good with her. She is 3 months old now and he is almost 6 yrs old. He was so lonely after we lost Sparky we had to get him a buddy to play with.

Casey is trying to buy a house - hopefully it will be hers very soon. We are so excited for her. She and Jeremy will be moving in shortly we hope. They are moving to Park City; Jennifer and Brenton are in Maize. We are almost in Haysville, so we cover all corners of Wichita.

During our tornado scare last Thursday Jennifer drove through some water and an SUV coming the other way threw water on her. Drowned out her engine. Her car is in the shop now getting a new engine. She is driving her dad's truck, yes, you read that correctly!

Mom is doing good. She is going to see Caroline's grave next week. We haven't gotten to see it yet. Dad never did. We had a memorial service for her but not a graveside service. Long story but that is what had to happen. It is important for her to go. She is driving to Doni's in Neosho then they are going from there to St Louis. I wish I could have gone.

I am looking forward to retirement so I can do things like that. Don't know when that will be! Soon I hope.

That is it for today! Have a wonderful week and I will attempt to get back on more often now.

They didn’t have the green thing back then.

2011-04-28T10:55:00.000-05:00

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that she
should bring her own grocery bag because plastic bags weren’t good for
the environment. The woman apologized to him and explained, “We
didn’t have the green thing back in my day.”

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. The former generation
did not care enough to save our environment."

He was right, that generation didn’t have the green thing in its day.

Back then, they returned their milk bottles, soda bottles and beer
bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be
washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles
over and over. So they really were recycled.

But they didn’t have the green thing back in that customer's day.

In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn’t have an
escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the
grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every
time they had to go two blocks.

But she was right. They didn’t have the green thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby’s diapers because they didn’t have the
throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy
gobbling machine burning up 220 volts – wind
and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down
clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that old lady is right, they didn’t have the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house – not a TV in every
room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a hankerchief, not a
screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they blended
and stirred by hand because they didn’t have electric machines to do
everything for you.
When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used a
wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble
wrap.

Back then, they didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut
the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They
exercised by working so they didn’t need to go to a health club to run
on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she’s right, they didn’t have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty instead of using a
cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They
refilled their writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and
they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the
whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But they didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their
bikes to school or rode the school bus instead of turning their moms
into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room,
not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they
didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from
satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza
joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful the old
folks were just because they didn't have the green thing back then?

I am back....

2011-04-07T19:48:00.002-05:00

It has been a long time since I posted, Christmas? Wow! My life has seemed to be on hold since January of last year. I finally feel like I am waking up from some horrible nightmare. Although the nightmare was real and I can't make the hurt go away. I think I am beginning to want to live again.

Last Saturday I went on the first Photowalk I had been on in a very long time. I truly enjoyed seeing friends and we had a beautiful day to walk though downtown and take photo's. I know photography isn't something everyone is interested in. Yet, it is so interesting to walk and look at things that you might not have seen before. Sometimes we need to go out beyond ourselves and enjoy other things.

My mom took a trip to Missouri to see friends. She needed that. For her to decide to do that on her own makes me know she is also starting to get life back on the tracks again. It has been very hard on her to find her own way. I can't imagine - having lived with someone since she was 16 and she is now 81. It would be hard. She has lots of church people and friends to help her. (Sorry I was corrected on her age.... lol)

Watching Big Bang Theory - Bazinga !!!! I love that show, also; Modern Family; Terms of Engagement - I hear Drop Dead Diva is coming back on. There is going to be a marathon on Friday evening of some of the best shows.

Until next time.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

2010-12-20T11:00:00.000-06:00

In this season of holidays – it makes me stop and think of what should and should not have happened over this past year. I have lost so much, why?

First of all I have to remember that God is in control – he allows things to happen that we may not like. Why? Because we live in a world controlled by sin and not good, when God threw the arch angel out of heaven with all his followers – that is when sin begin to rule this world we live in.

He gives us the free will to decide if we want to love and worship him, he does not make us do it. We want things and people on this earth – because we really don’t understand what is to come. All our possessions will one day be dust, but our souls will live on.

I have to believe that. I just can’t possibly think that we were put on earth to just die and go to dust. What would it all have been for? If we hadn’t had a creator to start this world, why would it have existed at all? There is a reason behind it. Yes, scientists have their theory, but personally – if I evolved from a fish or a monkey then why are they still here? They all would have evolved, period!

To know that I have loved ones who have gone on before and think that I may never see them again? That would be unbearable. If I had no hope for a better future in a Heaven not built by man, and not ruled by hate like this world, then I wouldn’t stick around. Why would anyone? Why is our will to live so strong? When we are sick or hurt – we do anything to get better, if there was no hope then why would we not just give up? It would be much easier to do that.

I know that some do not believe what I have said, they don’t believe in a supreme being who loves them beyond any kind of love we know on this earth. They can’t accept how easy it is to open your heart and allow him to come inside to live with them. It seems too simple they say – just to say, “I believe in you Jesus. I believe you are the only true Son of God. I believe that you died on that cross for my sins so that I may someday go to Heaven to live with you. I ask that you forgive my sins and make me your child. “ I know that it is just that simple. All you have to do is believe.

Jesus came as a baby, from a virgin chosen by God, lived on this earth, taught about his Father and showed the love that He has for each of us. He then died on a cross and arose from the dead on the third day, to descend back to his Father to wait for each of us to come to him. It is just that simple. Do you believe? I do.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

November and COLD

2010-11-13T17:46:00.000-06:00

Here it is November - mid November.

I actually bought a few Christmas gifts today. Since my kids are grown and my grandson is a teenager they prefer money. However, it isn't that much fun just to give money. I like to see people open their gifts and see if they enjoy them. Hopefully they do.

In fact, my mom and cousin seen the snow we had last night. It didn't snow long but I guess it was BIG splattering flakes. I didn't get to see it. Darn. Snow is great when you don't have to get out in it. I know that I already miss my fireplace from the bigger house. There is nothing to curl up to on a cold night and read or watch TV.

Tonight my kids and grandson are coming over for snacks and a movie. That should be fun. We haven't done that in ages. That is the next best thing to a fireplace!

Some have ask; so let me say, mom is doing as well as can be expected since Dad's passing. She is very active in her church so she has several activities she is involved in weekly. That helps get her out. On Saturdays my cousin and I go to lunch with her and usually do a little shopping or looking around at stuff. Since I work full time it is hard to get over there and spend as much time as I would like too.

I am doing as good as can be expected also. All it takes is a photo or see something he built and I start crying. It will just take time.

Last week we ended up putting on a new roof, replacing an ice maker and getting our yard winterized. The insurance company only covered 3/4 of our roof as damaged. Stupid huh? So we had to pay the rest. Not sure how we will come out on that deal but I know it won't be good. However, we got a 30 year 3 tab shingle and it looks REALLY nice.

Oh, and I opened my email this morning to find out I had been hacked and someone had sent viagra ads to everyone in my email list. THAT sucks! Some of those addresses were business customers! How embarrassing is that? I tried to write everyone to let them know I didn't do it. I don't know why people find it funny to do that.

Wasn't sure how to fix it so I changed my password and deleted all the cookies in my history. I will also scan it for viruses when I close down.

Hope you are having a good weekend. Later!

He only......takes the BEST

2010-10-06T15:24:00.000-05:00

Someone had this on their facebook today and I loved it - this is for dad, Caroline, Tom and Wendy:

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around you and whispered "come with me" With tearful eyes I watched and saw you pass away. Although I loved you dearly, I could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hardworking hands at rest. God...broke my heart to prove to me, he only......takes the BEST.

Dad passed away this morning.

2010-09-24T21:21:00.000-05:00

Mom got up this morning about 6 and checked on dad. He was breathing very labored. She kept checking on him, sitting by him and watching him. About 8:20 she went to the rest room and when she returned at 8:25 he was gone.

She woke me and I tried to get a pulse in the neck or wrist, I shook him and tried to wake him. I listened for breathing sounds. I then took a stethoscope and listened for a heart beat. There was none, he was gone.

I called Hospice and they had someone there within 10 minutes. She confirmed that dad had passed. She called the funeral home and within 30 minutes they pulled up in a white van and took dad.

We spent the day going to the funeral home, then the grave yard. Everything was taken care of today.

Now mom is resting knowing that he is in a better place. I know he is in a better place yet my heart can't seem to accept that yet. He is not here - so I know he is gone. A piece of my heart went with him.

Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts. My mom's sister is coming to stay with her for quite sometime. She lost her husband so she will know how to help mom. It will be good for her to have company.

Sept 22 - Update

2010-09-22T15:07:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't updated. It seems I spend all my time with dad or working.

Today is my twins 33rd birthday. Happy birthday Jennifer and Jeremy!

Dad is on the down hill now, we go day by day and hour by hour. His mind is not as sharp, he ask where he is at least a couple of times a day.

His breathing is labored and stops for 30 to 40 seconds at a time. His brain is not getting as much oxygen, his blood pressure is going down.

He had such a strong heart and lungs that it has taken him a long time to go down. He is a fighter and always has been.

Thank you for your prayers and may they continue for dad and our family. This is going to be very hard on mom - they have been together for 64 years and 7 months.

Sandy

Sept 16, Thurs. I can't sleep

2010-09-16T23:49:00.004-05:00

I can not go to sleep. My mind will not rest. Thoughts roam through than change taking another turn to another direction over and over again.

I lie in my childhood bedroom, remembering my life here with my parents. We moved here when I was in the seventh grade, my sister Caroline starting ninth grade. The first house my parents bought since moving to Wichita from Missouri when I was 3 years old.

There are a lot of memories here. I don't remember any bad memories from this house. I was fortunate to have parents that loved each other and raised my sister and I in the principles of a Christian home. They loved each other, my mother took care of us and my father worked hard and long hours to provide for his family.

Now my father; my hero, my friend; my guide - lies in a hospital bed in the dining room - waiting to die.

My mother - the love of his life lies in her bed without him at her side - where he has been for 64 years. Knowing he will never lie beside her again. Expressing each day "How am I going to live without him?"

How can I answer that?

My dad has always been a strong man. He has been on his own since he was a young boy. He has worked hard all of his life. He started jumping on trains at the age of 10 and went to other towns to work, then jump the train and go home. When he grew older he would hop on the trains and ride them to Kansas or Arkansas from Missouri and work.

When he turned 18 he joined the Navy - and served in World War II - seeing more action than I could ever imagine. He has told me horror stories of taking a Landing Craft as close as possible to shore and letting the Marines and Army out to go fight in the war. Then pick up wounded soldiers and take them back to ships to be treated. Some didn't make it but some did. He remembers giving them morphine to ease their pain and how they would calm down until they got them to help. Then turn around and take another load of soldiers back to shore.

He seen the first flag raised at Iwo Jima, than seen it taken down for a General that demanded it and seen another one raised for political reasons so more bonds could be sold to raise money for the war effort, to show the people back home how well it was all going.

Now I lay here, than quietly sneak into the dining room just to make sure he is still breathing. He doesn't like to take the morphine for his pain because of what he seen in the war. He is brave and just waits for the end to come.

Today my mom and I sat in the living room and would hear him talking - in his sleep. When ask he says he was helping someone work on an old car. He once said "Jennifer", which is my daughter, I ask him if he said "Jennifer", he opened his eyes and ask if she were here. I said "no, but you said her name". He said, "We were fishing and we had a big one on the line and I was helping her bring him in." He had dreamed this. All day long this went on, he talked out loud - to people we could not see or adventures he was reliving.

Tonight I gave him a pill for anxiety and the morphine he hates so much just so he could rest and hopefully make it through the night.

Tomorrow the Hospice nurse comes again to check his vitals. She will see that his urine has darkened (showing his kidneys are shutting down), his is sleeping more and drinking less. His pulse has slowed and his breathing is irregular. The time is getting closer for him to rise to Heaven to be with my sister, Caroline; and my daughter, Wendy.

How Mom and I take it is left to be seen, but we know we have taken care of him as he wanted it. In his home, with family and sounds that he knows in the home he done so much work on for mom to be safe in when he does go.

It might not be tonight, or tomorrow - but soon he will go. He will leave us behind. We will cry and hurt for a long time. The memories we have will be good ones. He is a good man, but we know he will be waiting for us when we cross over.

Wed - Sept 15th - Update on Dad

2010-09-15T11:24:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we let dad rest. As he is failing visitors tire him out greatly. He is slipping in and out of sleep more and his memory fails him - this upsets him. His kidney's are beginning to fail and this effects his mind. This is all normal in the process of passing.

We would like to keep the visits down - and if you do come, PLEASE stay only a few minutes. Hospice said he needs to rest and not get anxious from the long visits. He feels if people come he needs to visit. We appreciate your concern and prayers. Most of you have known him for years and he loves all of you. He said he didn't know so many people cared about him.

He did have one of his old fishing buddies, whom he has known for 60 yrs come by, he brought his guitar and sang dad some hymns. They were beautiful and dad enjoyed them greatly.

He is ready to go and wants Jesus to come and get him. As family, we don't want to lose him but have told him that it is okay - that we will be all right. We will take care of mom so he doesn't need to worry about that. He lays and thinks of things he needs to tell her - the furnace filter, the a/c needing replaced next year, the humidifier and how to turn it on. Things like that which he has always taken care of. He is of the old generation that doesn't believe women should do things like that. He has always said mom can't mow the lawn because "what would the neighbors think?" Bob and I will help mom with everything she needs.

All of you know dad as a strong, self-willed man. He would do anything for anyone. When he retired he only worked for widows and elders that he knew couldn't find good honest help. They would call and he would go. It has only been the last two years that he finally stopped working completely. That is pretty good for an 85 year old guy. We have all heard his fishing stories and how he loved to fish.

He is quick to joke and tease, his eyes sparkled every time a child came around. I have been keeping my little Yorkie at nights here and he has enjoyed watching him (all 9 lbs of him) protect the house of anyone coming around.

My dad has always been my dad and my friend. He was there for me as a teenager with understanding that I still can't imagine. He never yelled at me, he would talk to me about "being careful" or "think about what you are doing". I used to think he knew everywhere I went and what I did; but because of his past he knew what I was doing or could do and he was protecting me. That is what dad's do. They protect their families. I could never have ask God for a better family then he gave me.

That is it for today. I will keep you posted. Sandy

Monday - Sept 13th Update on Carroll Morris

2010-09-13T23:31:00.005-05:00

The visitation list was up to about 75 as of today. Dad has not let us cut back on people that want to come in, but now he has agreed too. It tires him out and he needs to rest. So please if you come or know someone who is - have them make their visits short NO LONGER THEN 15 MINUTES - and no children please. He doesn't want little children seeing him like he is.

In lieu of flowers when the time comes - he would like for everyone to give the money as a donation to the 'Westside Free Will Baptist Church - Children's ministry'. He has always loved and had a special place in his heart for small children.

When the time comes: Send your donations to Westside Free Will Baptist Church 3310 W MacArthur c/o Childrens Church for Carroll Morris. I know this is premature but he wants me to get the word out so that the kids can benefit from it, instead of having flowers just dying.

He told me after sleeping the other day that he seen him "momma". He said she was trying to talk to him but he couldn't quit get to her. Maybe she is waiting on the other side for him.

He has times of falling asleep when visitors are talking, or he gets mixed up on his words and memory of things. This embarrasses him greatly.

He has started on the downhill path and we don't think it will belong before he gets to go home to Heaven. His daughter and grand daughter are waiting for him, and many, many more friends and family.

It saddens mom and I, our kids and relatives - but we all know that this is what he wants. He is tired and tired of "being a burden on us". The strong man he has always been is just now a whisper of the man he was. I doubt that he weights 130 pounds now.

Thank you for your prayers through all of this - please keep them coming. I think that is what is holding our family up.

Love all of us.

Sunday Sept 12 - Dad Update

2010-09-12T19:03:00.004-05:00

We had to call hospice out this morning - first time we have had to call them. They called back within 15 minutes and were here within 30 minutes to check him out.

Today dad has shown more "confusion" and he also is experiencing neuropathy in his legs and feet. This is also another "item" we have to deal with. He doesn't like to take his morphine because it makes him itch. I see him slipping away more and more.

I really don't see how he can possibly get any thinner. This morning he wanted coffee, and as it brewed he said how good it smelled. When we gave him some he took only a sip and said it was GOOOOOD. He takes sips of Sunny Delight and Propel water and eats ice chips.

He said today that he doesn't want to keep hanging on - he is ready to go meet Jesus. Please pray that God won't let him hang on.

His cousin is coming in tomorrow and that is a milestone he has set. He wants to see her (Aunt Rosie). He has talked to all of his grandchildren, he has talked to his only remaining sister. I believe he has said goodbye to all those he has been able too.

Hospice at home

2010-09-09T23:56:00.002-05:00

We had dad brought home this afternoon. It is now past eleven, he has been turned and tucked in.
He has been given his pain meds and will probably sleep until 6 or 7 am.

This was his chose, I think he is happier in his home. If his nurses (me and Mom) could do things the way the REAL nurses did them. I think we are doing pretty good. Next time we will give him his pain killer THEN move him. That would be best.

We will see how things go now. He could last a couple of weeks or less.
Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts while we are going through this.

Less phone calls would be nice. We know you are concerned but the phone wakes him up.
We don't mean to be cruel - just trying to take care of him. Thank you.

Why do bad things happen to good people

2010-09-04T11:37:00.003-05:00

Soon after my sister died on Feb. 28, 2010; my dad starting feeling bad. Nothing he could put a name too. He just didn't feel good.

On Friday, August 27th, the Dr. put a scope down his throat. This was because for the prior two or three weeks he could not eat anything. The scope revealed our worst nightmare - the C word.

The word no one wants to hear or cope with. He has gastric stomach cancer, which has started growing into his esophagus. When growing into the esophagus it has formed a ball and attached to all sides. Only clear liquids will go down.

On Tuesday, August 31st, they done surgery to see what damage has been caused and to put a feeding tube 12 inches below his stomach. The stomach was very hard and abnormally shaped. They went back down his esophagus and took many more biopsy's of his stomach and the esophagus area.

On Thursday, Sept. 3, the results came back gastric stomach cancer with no doubt. He has been in the hospital for one week now. Weak as a kitten and fail as one can be.

It is so extremely hard to see your dad in this stage - a man that has always been your hero, strong and determined that he would do whatever himself with no help. Now he can't even get off the bed himself.

I can't pretend that this isn't tearing me up, because it is. I try to look brave and strong but I am melting inside. I know that God knows what is happening - he doesn't cause it to be; this life of Adam's sin did.

My dad is ready if he passes to go see his daughter and grand daughter. But I pray as long as we can keep his pain in control - we can keep him a little bit longer.

2010-07-13T14:37:00.002-05:00

One more month before school starts. It doesn't seem possible, I am sure my grand son is not happy about that. Yet, every July the school supplies invade Target and Wal-mart waiting to be bought and brought home.

Do you like going to supply stores and looking around? Like Office Max or Office Depot? I love to go see what is new and what I must have. Even Ace Hardware, or other small hardware stores - I just find something old fashioned about going in and see what they have.

I have gotten three tomatoes' off my plants this year. Not a very good crop but what I got was good and made wonderful lettuce, tomato and bacon sandwiches. I don't think there is much better for a summer evening meal, with a cup of fruit? yummm

It is hot and humid in Kansas - how is it where you live? I thought we were going to get some rain last night. We could see the lightening and hear the thunder but it never came far enough to get us.

Sparky was getting a little spooked when it would thunder, he would roll his big brown eyes toward me and whimper. I would have to comfort him and tell him it is okay. As long as the TV was on he didn't hear it too much.

Night before last I woke about 2 am to noise, it was Sparky trying to take Buster's bed over to put on top of his bed. I don't know what happened to Buster - he was not in his bed. He is the silliest dog, he is always moving, dragging or flipping beds around to make one bigger, softer and fluffier for him to lay in. It doesn't matter if Buster is in his bed or not, he will lay on top of him if need be. I have seen him do it! (That is probably how Buster got bruised ribs that time!)

Today it has been one year since we lost our Dear Friend Tom. He has made his address in Heaven for a whole year. I bet it doesn't seem like that long to him. But to his wife and family here they still miss him daily. Next month he will become a grandpa for the second time. He would have loved to be here for that I am sure. We still miss him and always well. It has also been four months now since I lost my sister, I am sure the freshness of her passing is still too fresh on Jim's mind. I still want to pick up the phone to call her, but she is not there. So I talk to her anyway. I don't know that she can hear me, but at least I say what I want. People still write on her Facebook page. So I know I am not alone in missing her.

Well, have a good evening and I will try to be more cheerful the next time! Love always, Sandy

Would you do it the same if you could go back?

2010-07-05T19:52:00.005-05:00

Summer is here and we are already wishing for Fall... As a child the heat didn't seem to bother me, but as an adult - I just can't take it anymore. I love Spring and Fall and mild Summers and Mild Winters! ha

What have I been doing since last I wrote? I was glad to hear from some that said they did enjoy reading my blogs - I am glad you do enjoy reading them - yet I would write if no one read.

We have but one life, and I believe it is to be shared. Everyone has different experiences. Such as I now know I am getting too old to have teeth pulled - that freakin' hurts! You know?

How many of you have ever said - If I could just go back and know what I know now - I would sure change things. I wonder if we would. Would we feel because we know better we won't do it? I think not.

There is a new show coming out about people that help us make our decisions (I don't believe in this - let me say up front) - they struggle with us because we make wrong decisions that we shouldn't. In the movie they come to a guy that has gone the wrong way to try to make him forget the girl he has met, as knowing will change both of their lives. Not always for a positive way either.

I watched a show the other night called "Sliding Doors" about how a lady missed the Metro by the sliding of the doors. It then showed what would have happened if she had NOT missed the closing of those doors. It went back and forth - really interesting about how things can be changed with just missing a train, or a plane and how it might change your life forever.

I hope that if I were to do it all over again, that I would stop to really think about the decisions I would make. I believe I would make a lot of the same decisions - like finding my husband and marrying him. Yet, I would do our first few years over again and make better decisions. I love my husband and he is a wonderful man. Yet, as young people we all make mistakes of stupidity. Right?

Well, before you lie down to bed tonight, I hope you pray to God and thank Him for your life and all the things that are in it. I know I do. Later gator!

Whose HANDS are these?

2010-05-20T15:07:00.005-05:00

They look like my grandmother’s hands, but no, they are mine. Where did all the wrinkles come from? I used to think I had nice hands; they were young, and smooth and not wrinkled.

I remember my great-grandmother and my grandmother’s hands. They were looked like mine do now. Yet, theirs washed clothes in a black kettle of boiling water with lye soap. They rung the clothes out and hung them on the line to dry. They then ironed those same clothes with an iron they put on the wood burning stove to heat up.

They carried water pumped from a well outside, heated that water on the wood stove to fill our tub for baths; and for water to do dishes. They scrubbed the kitchen until it was sparkling clean, and scrubbed the floors with those hands, on their knees.

They shucked corn, harvested vegetables from the fields and put up can goods. I watched my grandmother ring the necks of chickens – boil them and then pluck the feathers off their bodies so that we could have them for a good home cooked fried chicken dinner.

They sewed clothes before they had a sewing machine, bathed babies, loved their husbands and ruled their children. My grandmother had nine children. That is a lot of ruling! She had a really hard life. Because of that she worked at home and then got a job at a café also.

My mom was the oldest girl, so when grandma went to work she took up the job of being the mom to older brothers and younger sisters. She did the chore's my grandmother used to do.

When my grandmother would come to visit us I would look at her “transparent” hands, because you could see all the veins and they were so wrinkled, yet I thought they were beautiful.

When I got married, I loved my husband with my young, strong, soft hand but I didn’t have to do the other things they did. I had the modern conveniences of a real refrigerator, running water and indoor bathroom, washer, dryer and later a dishwasher. I did some canning but only because I wanted too, and only for a few seasons.

Yet, when I had twins, I had cloth diapers and I used to soak them and wrung them out before washing them. (With twins – that was a LOT of diapers.) I wiped dirty faces, wiped tears and fixed boo-boo’s. We played children’s games; I read them books and sang them songs.

I have planted flowers to make my yard look nice, cleaned my house and cleaned other people’s houses. I sew, paint, scrapbook and play on the computer and loved my pets.

Yet, even with all the modern day conveniences – I still have my Great-grandmother, grandmother and my mom’s hands. The wrinkles mean something – they mean I have lived, loved and been loved. They show my ancestry and for that I am proud.

I was standing in the presence of someone

2010-05-17T11:33:00.004-05:00

My nephew J.C. ask me to write one of his friends that didn't know if there was anything out there after we die. So this is what I wrote to "Jon", I thought I would share it with you.

Jon,

I don't want to be "preachy" to you because I have no idea what kind of spiritual background you are coming from. If you want to discuss that with me further, later, I would be glad too.

What J.C. was talking about with me was I died on the operating table while giving birth to a stillborn baby girl. She was dead when I got to the hospital as they could not find a heartbeat for her.

While she was being delivered I was put to sleep. During the procedure like the blink of your eye, I found myself above the table - sort of like floating in the air - there didn't appear to be a ceiling where I was, but I was looking down on myself on the table.

The doctors were working on me - and my doctor was explaining to the interns the condition of my baby's skin. It was a very long medical term which I can't remember today other then it meant "slip-age" of the skin because she had been dead about 3 days. I said that because it comes in as proof to me later.

When I was watching all of this - I was standing in the presence of someone - we were standing in light, a blueish light, like a cloud all around us. The person beside me - holding my hand had on the brightest white robe I had ever seen - it was so pure and the whole area around him was blueish.

I watched and the doctor talked to others and worked on me. I heard them say they were losing me. They worked to revive me, but I had no fear - I felt only peace.

He spoke to me without words but I heard what he said in my mind. He told me everything would be alright. He also said that he still had more for me to do and it wasn't time for me to die yet. But he would be with me.

I told him I didn't want to go back, that I wanted to stay with him. Without seeing a face I knew it was Jesus Christ. (As a little girl I had given my heart to him).

There is no way I can express the calm and peace that surrounded us. There was a peace like none I had ever felt before or since. I did not want to leave and go back. I wanted to go with him, forever. The pain and suffering I had been enduring on this earth made me not want to return.

He told me to think about those that were left behind, what would they do if I stayed. Instantly I thought of my husband and how he would not be able to take the loss of our child AND the lost of me.

In that instant, I was back in my body. I awoke later in recovery.

I did not tell ANYONE about what happened to me. I thought they would think I was crazy.

At my six week checkup at my doctor's, I ask him if there was any problems during my delivery, like did had they lost me on the table. He looked shocked, and told me, yes, they had lost me for few minutes, but I was revived so it wasn't even added to my chart. He said, why? What made you ask that?

I didn't want to say but he encouraged me to talk about it.

So I ask what that medical term meant that I had heard. He said - where did you hear that? I told him I heard it when they delivered my baby. That he was talking to interns around him. I told him how many were in there. And other things that been said.

He looked surprised - he said yes, your baby had been dead for awhile and the heat of the fluid had caused this to happen and it means the skin had become so unstable it was like a slip-age. It is normal. But he couldn't believe I knew that word. He ask how I heard it.

I told him what I have just told you - about watching them and hearing what all they were saying. He told me that was the only place I could have heard it. He then said he had heard other stories like mine of people that died on the table then came back. He told me to not ever doubt myself for one moment that what I seen and heard wasn't real. Because, I am not the only one who had almost the same thing.

So, that is my story. I just read a book called "90 Minutes in Heaven" - it might be something you would be interested in.

If you have any questions please write and I will attempt to answer them. But may I say, yes, Jesus is real - Heaven is real. And if you accept Jesus into your life - when you die you will go to heaven. He says there is only one way and it is through Christ.

I watched J.C.'s mom, my only sister, take her last breath's and as she was dying she pointed two different times toward the ceiling - I truly believe she was seeing the angels coming for her. She went very peacefully without any fear.

But may I say I also seen my grandfather die - and he had never been a Christian. He was screaming and pulling his feet up. He was telling us there were spiders all over the wall, and fire was burning his feet. He died a horrible death and I am sure is in hell today.

It is up to each of us switch way we want to go. But only we can make that choice. I hope this helped. God's blessings on you and your family.

P.S. After I had my daughter, I had to stay in the hospital - I missed her funeral. I was very sick and the infection could have killed me. However, I have never doubted what happened to me. It was real - and it was wonderful. There is no fear of death - if you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior. I am still waiting to see what else God said I needed to do, maybe it was the miracle that he gave me of twins 18 months later.

I don't know what my purpose is, being a Christian doesn't mean we are perfect and a lot of times I wish God would just send me a postcard telling me what I need to do.

But no matter what - I look forward to the day he does decide it is my time to join him. I hope to walk into those gates a gracefully as my sister did.

She had fallen down her basement stairs and was paralyzed from the neck down, almost every bone in her body was broken; her kidneys were shut down and she would have been on dialysis; she would have been on life support and fed by a tube for the rest of her life.

She didn't want to be a burden on her family and she had been so ill for so long - and she did not want that quality of life. She called her son, daughter and husband to her bed and told them she wanted PEACE in the family, and if they were not ready to come and join her, they better get ready.

She chose to have everything removed and she never complained. She walked peacefully into heaven - where I believe she is with my daughter, Wendy, today.

Mother's Day 2010

2010-05-04T11:49:00.003-05:00

Mother's Day is this Sunday - my mom is going to be sad - she just lost my sister in February. There is nothing I can do to make that better. I can't fill the void she feels.

I know, as I lost a daughter too. Mine was not 60+ years old, she was stillborn at a full term birth. Yet, 34 years later I still feel the pain. Wondering what she would be today. Would she be married? Would she have children? What direction would she have gone in her career? Time will never take away the hurt, but the pain becomes less as time moves on. Other children or other things in life try to fill that void. Yet, it is still there. On Mother's Day, on her birthday/death day. I never forget.

Yet, God double blessed me with twins - 18 months after my loss. I could not have been more happy. They have grown into wonderful people. One a mom herself. My son has never married, he too is a wonderful young man.

My Aunt Patsy will be a GREAT Grandmother for the first time this year, as she just welcomed "Luke" her first great-grandson into the world. Although he is far from her he is still hers!

My grandson, Brenton, whom is twelve is my source of joy. He is smart, fun and annoying at the same time! But that is what grandsons do. Right?

I want to wish each and everyone of you a Happy Mother's Day this Sunday. I hope you either get to see your children or at least talk to them by phone.

Have a wonderful Mother's Day!

Dad's Sister Passed Away

2010-04-09T21:19:00.002-05:00

Lula Hanley, sister of Carroll Morris passed away this morning, April 9, 2010.

She is at the White Chapel Memorial Gardens in Springfield MO, 5234 West State Highway Ee, (417) 866-5012.

She will be buried in Aurora Missouri, next to her deceased husband, Carl Hanley. She had one son who passed before her; one son and one daughter still living.

Lula had congestive heart failure, and was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia, thn was moved to a care home where she had a stroke then a heart attack.

Carroll had five sister's and one brother; yet only on remaining living sister - Linda Morris.

Carroll's address is: 1433 So Wichita, Wichita KS 67213 - (316)-440-1024

Services will be arranged tomorrow.

Only in Kansas

2010-04-07T16:57:00.003-05:00

Yesterday it was 85 degrees - today it is 43 degrees. We are freezing our little tushies off here!

I will make my font green because the white blossoms on the Bradford pear trees are blowing off (like snow, but without the mess) and the green leaves are starting to come forth. We have our flower beds ready to plant but will wait a week or two because you NEVER know we might still get a freeze or snow - who knows in Kansas!

My niece, Anna and her husband, Chris are coming to Wichita this Saturday and staying overnight. Anna wants to show Chris what a REAL loose meat sandwich is suppose to taste like - so we will take them to the original Nu-Way Sandwich shop.

Than Saturday evening they want to take dad, her grandpa, out to dinner for his 85th birthday. Sunday morning they will go to church with them then return home after lunch. (That hasn't been decided on yet - either Grandma's homemade taco's or Felipe's Mexican Restraint - another of Anna's favorites.)

I haven't been doing too much scrap-booking lately but did make a digital page the other night while watching TV. You can see that on the right side of the page. These are my cousin's precious grand kids. Cody (the only boy), Kylee (lighter hair) and Jayce (dark hair). Don't know if I spelled those right or not, but they are close. They are Nathan and Janie Mingle's children.

My daughter, Jen, had a job interview today and I so hope she gets it. It would be perfect for her. It will be in a new hospital they are building on the far West side of Wichita. She would be taking care of scheduling 3 surgery rooms and all that goes with that. Dealing with the patients, doctors and nurses. She loves the administrative side of health care.

Jeremy is still working - so that is a blessing. He and Casey went to KC a couple of weekends ago and had a lot of fun. Last weekend Casey went to Hutchinson to be with family for Easter. Our family went to Jose' Pepper's for dinner. What? Mexican can be a good traditional Easter dinner! Especially since I didn't have to cook it!!!

That is about it for now! Hope you and your family had a wonderful Easter weekend. We enjoyed spending time with ours!

Life as it happens

2010-03-31T11:59:00.003-05:00

I never get tired of hearing from my family and friends. It doesn't make any difference if they are having a bad day, or something good has happened. It gives me a chance to relate to them and what they are going through.

Some days are bad, really bad. Others are okay. Then others are really good. Most are average, we deal with what life throws our way. Do we buy this or pay that? All is a part of what we do and how we handle it.

If we have - what my mom always called - a champange taste on a beer budget - we are going to get into trouble. Or do we buckle down and live within our means. This day and age that can change at anytime. The loss of an income, or the downsizing of your department.

I remember when I was laid off a job - I was devastated - even though I knew it was coming, it still hurt. I had done a good job, my reviews had all be excellant. Yet, it was a numbers game and some had to go - I was one chosen. Yet, I found there was life after that job.

After a bit of time feeling sorry for myself (hey I am human after all), I picked myself up and went out there and got another job - it didn't work out so I went and got another job. Unfortunately right now there aren't that many jobs out there. So it is a bit harder to do.

God said he fed and sheltered the birds of the sky and why would he not do the same for us? He also said he would not put more on us then we are able to bare. Sometimes we wish he would send us a postcard and just tell us what the heck is going on and which direction we are to really take. We feel like we are walking around in circles and can't find our way out of the box. Sometimes his answer is "wait" or "no". Those are the hardest to take. But we have to say "yes Lord", I will wait.

I used the example of our little hamster we had with my kids one time. Teddy would scratch and claw and try his best to get to the top of his cage so he could get out - all he wanted was freedom. Yet, what he didn't see was our cat sitting over looking at him saying - come on boy - you would make one nice snack. Sometimes what we want - God can see that cat watching us. So he puts us on hold to protect us from ourselves.

Since I lost my sister I have been doing a lot more reading of God's word and you know, he is right on. Sometimes we don't like what he tells us to do, but as our Father he knows what is best and if we will listen - he guides us down the right path. Every time.

KC trip postponed - because of SNOW

2010-03-20T21:18:00.002-05:00

I thought spring was to bring leaves, flowers and all the pretty things. Today was the first day of spring and what did we get? SNOW, SNOW AND MORE SNOW. Truly disheartening.

There was no way I was going to KC ans walk around in 32 degrees weather and snow or ice! Right now I think they have about 4 inches and it is still snowing. So - that trip will come later!

Haven't felt too good today. My tummy is not happy - so I guess it was best we didn't go, huh? They say all things happen for a reason.

Cheers - talk to you later!

Rain and SNOW this weekend?

2010-03-18T11:46:00.003-05:00

We have a baby sitter for our four legged fur babies - so hubby and I are planning a trip to Legends in KC for the weekend. Even if it rains and snows we will enjoy just getting away for a bit.

I have not been to Legends - so should be fun. We will also have to eat at Jack Stack BBQ. When my niece, Anna, got married my son and husband went there, but I didn't get the chance. So we will try it again.

We will probably find more INDOOR stores to look in then walking around in the weather! That just doesn't found too fun. I wonder if I can get him to the Scrapbook Page store? hummmm might have to try!

This is funny, it is lunch time and I can hear the guys across my wall listening to a basketball game. That is a new one! lol They seem to be enjoying it though.

Lately, I haven't been able to wrap my mind around anything that takes too much thought - so didn't know if I was going to start my class on the 25th. Today I decided to go for it. It will be good to do something that keeps my mind off all that has happened the last two months. If my niece can go home and finish a training course for a new job - surely her Aunt can go to a class and do it too. Four hours on Thursday nights of lecture doesn't sound to exciting though. zzzzzz Yet, my incentive is to get paid back for the course when it is finished with a good grade. The only problem is my bedtime is 9:30 and class doesn't get out until 10 pm..... hummm am I getting old or what?

I managed to finally get my taxes done last night. Those had been driving me crazy for two weeks. I went to my accountant to let her do them, but she told me I didn't have to claim the sale of my house since we had lived in it for 5 years - yeah - so I went home and finished and filed them! ta da...... I actually got something done~that did feel good.

Well that is about it for today.

Caroline's memorial service

2010-03-10T20:37:00.002-06:00

I was asked to put some photos of the memorial service on the blog. These are a few that I thought you would enjoy.

I am putting all the photos off the collage into the signature book for Jim. The church was wonderful and Brenda Burl set up everything. She was so wonderful.

I hope you like the photo's.

Final resting place for Caroline

2010-03-09T20:37:00.004-06:00

I received a note from Jim today:

Caroline was buried at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery in St Louis MO on March 2, 2010 at 2:30 PM.

This was the day before her Memorial Service. The cemetery called and asked Jim what he wanted on the headstone. He simply told them: "In God We Trust".

May she forever rest in God's peace among the hundreds that served to make this great nation what it is today.

We will love you forever Caroline - you will forever be a piece of our hearts and lives.

Sis

Memorial Service St Louis Missouri

2010-03-03T23:19:00.004-06:00

Today March 3rd was a small closure after the untimely death of my older sister, Caroline.

The Lighthouse Baptist Church in St Louis Missouri had a memorial service for her at 7 PM tonight. There were about 300 people that showed up from 3 different churches. One of the churches that came was a 3 hour drive away.

Caroline and Jim had attended Victory Baptist before moving to St Louis. The other two chuches were from this area.

The support and kind words about my sister were wonderful. I had always said that she spoke what she thought and everyone here agreed. She said just what she thought. They all loved her sense of humor and said she was so much fun to be around.

Caroline loved life - and even though her health hasn't been good for many years she attended all the church functions and was a great cook for church dinners, ladies retreats and church camps.

We found out she was a member of the Red Hat Society here in St Louis, something that came as a surprise to my parents and I. She loved Stampin Up which is a group that gets together and makes cards for all occasions.

She did not have any grandchildren of her own so she took care of a lady named Christine Turner (Tina) when she was a baby and has since took care of Tina's four children when each were born.

There was a young girl that Caroline had told me that had adopted she and Jim as her grandparents. i got to meet her and hear about how much she loved Caroline and Jim.

We met Pastor Keith who is a quiet spoken Pastor of her church that truly thought Caroline was a wonderful asset to their church family.

Her best friend Brenda was beyond a friend. She and Caoline have known each other for 10 years. Brenda became so close to them that she knew more about their needs then we ever did.

She has helped with their medical needs by making sure they were taken care of. Brenda was the one that did all the work on setting up the memorial. She set up the displays with photos, poster boards of photos and placed all of Carolines cooking prizes and ribbons on the memorial table.

Mom, Dad and my Aunt Patsy bought a large bouqet of fresh cut flowers for the table and my family bought another one of roses to adorn the table.

The family needs help with medical and funeral expenses and the church took care of all but what mom/dad and I paid. Pastor Keith told me tonight that with the offering received tonight that the funeral part is paid for. The rest of what will come in will be given to Jim and JC (Jimmie) to help with other medical expenses that will be coming.

A lot of people did not understand why we did not have a regular funeral - one was the cost, but the most important was Caroline would not have wanted people to see her broken body. She wanted them to remember her the way she was. Spirited and onry.

That is the update for tonight. We will be returning to Wichita tomorrow afternoon after getting some much needed rest. This has been a very long week and a half.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers, please let them continue. Jim's health has gone down hill with him trying to help Caroline - has not been taking care of his dailysis as he should have been and now has a very bad infection in his stomach where his dailysis is done. He goes to the kidney doctor this week.

Thank you again for all the love shown; especially Brenda and Pastor Keith.

Caroline was on disability and Jim is on dailysis - he can not work very much at all and now with her disability not coming in anymore he really needs the help.
Pastor Keith said any other donations (in lieu for flowers) should be sent to me and I will get it to Jim.

Any donations can be sent to me and they will be sent to Jim. We will make sure he gets all funds sent for him. They don't have a checking account so I will send a cashier's check to him.

Tonight was a small closure to a very long ordeal for him. They had been married almost 44 years.

My address is:
Sandy Keathley
115 W Hazel Ct
Wichita KS 67217

PS:
Due to the stress of it all - we will not be having a memorial in Wichita. That was decided after we got home. Thank you for your understanding.

In lieu of flowers

2010-03-02T18:42:00.002-06:00

Since we are having a memorial service instead of a funeral you can send money to help pay for the funeral and medical cost to:

Lighthouse Baptist Church
c/0 Caroline Infield
3025 North Lindbergh
St Louis MO 63074

or to myself and I will get it to the church and then Jim.

Sandy Keathley
115 W Hazel Ct
Wichita KS 67217

I don't have Jims address right now but will put on here later. I have having problems with internet connects here.

Thank you everyone!

Update Monday March 1st

2010-03-01T21:05:00.002-06:00

First of all let me say I am sorry that my blog did not get updated yesterday. The internet at the hotel lost connection just as I had written it all and I was too exhausted to do it again.

Caroline passed on to Glory yesterday, Sunday, February 28th at 4:21 pm.
She went peacefully with a room full of family and friends.

Her testimony was in the many, many, many friends she had that came to see her. That loved her and cared for her. They each told stories of how much she had been a blessing to each of them.

The family decided on a memorial service for a celebration of her life. We all know how much she liked getting together with her family and friends.

A memorial will be held Wednesday evening, March 3rd, 2010
Time: 7 PM.
Location: The Lighthouse Baptist Church
Address: 3025 North Lindbergh
City: St Louis MO 63074

A donation plate will be available (instead of flowers) which will help with expenses for the Infield family.

Close hotels are:
LaQuinta 314-878-1212
Duray - 1-800-378-7946

Another memorial service will be held in Wichita KS at the Westside Free Will Baptist Church.
A date will be announced at a later date.

Sunday Feb 28 2010 Update

2010-03-01T08:50:00.002-06:00

Yesterday at 4:45 Caroline passed from this earth of heartache and pain to Heaven where she is now free from pain and has a new body. Caroline went peaceful with no pain.

We will be making funeral arrangements today - but as of right now we believe it to be on Wednesday with a Tuesday evening viewing. I will post today as to what it was.

The family is doing pretty good - as good as one can be in this situation.

Saturday 10:21 PM Update

2010-02-27T22:20:00.002-06:00

I will tell you the latest before I tell you about our day with Caroline:

Mom and I just got back to the hotel, today has been a day that no one should have to go through with any member of their family. It has been heart breaking, decisions were made and now we are just waiting for God to call Caroline home.

She is now in a coma with no response and will not wake again before she crosses over. The nurse checked her eyes with a very bright light and they were totally unresponsive.

Her breathing had become more labored, yet shallow so I called the nurse in to check her. He said right now her body is filling up with acidic poisons and that is why her breathing is so hard.
The chest muscles are helping her breathe. He gave her another injection to calm down those muscles so she would be more comfortable.

This morning she still had a feeding tube, back brace, neck collar and feeding tube. She had not really felt any pain. She woke up and was trying to talk to us. Jim (her husband) was encouraged by any sign that he thought showed she was improving. He could not make the decision about what really needed to be done.

I went to the room once when no one else was in there and talked to Caroline. She was hearing and answering by shaking her head yes or no. I told her it was me and she took my hand. I ask her if she wanted to know what all was really going on, because she had told Jim earlier not to lie to her about anything. She shook her head yes. She does not remember the accident at all.

I ask her if she knew her back was broken. She shook her head yes. I ask if she knew she would be paralyzed for the rest of her life. She shook her head NO. I told her Jim wanted to put her on dialysis - she again shook her head NO. I told her they wanted to put her on life support and also that she would be fed with a feeding tube the rest of her life. She became agitated.

I said, Caroline calm down. Do you want this? She shook NO. I ask if she wanted to go on to Heaven and she shook YES. I told her I would go get the family and a nurse and they would take the breathing mask off and we could talk - she shook YES. So that is what we did, we got Jim, Anna, JC (Jimmie), Dad, Mom, myself and a nurse in the room.

The nurse took the mask off and we again went through the questions, and she at first kept saying to Jim - do whatever you want. He couldn't say anything. So I again went over all the questions I had ask her earlier and she answered the same way - but by talking this time. Then she said she wanted to go to Heaven. She did not want to live like that the rest of her life. The nurse looked at me and I just shook my head yes, that was the answer she needed.

The rest of the day until about 5 Caroline talked to everyone that came into the room. LOTS of friends from church came. At times there were about 10 people in her little room. She joked, cried, talked shared love for everyone, thanked people for things and we all shared.

Then she could not rest - sleep would not come. The nurse said she had too much anxiety and ask her if she wanted a shot to help relax her and she had stated feeling the pain of her broken arm so she said she would give her pain meds for that. That all started leading to where we are now.

One other thing was she told her daughter to go home, as Anna starts a new job on Monday and if she misses any of the training she loses the job. No exceptions. So through many tears Anna agreed to go even though she did not want too. Caroline told her she loved her and would see her again in Heaven. She also told her she needed to take care of herself so that she didn't end up like she was. Anna said she would do all she could to do that.

So for tonight that is it. I need to get some sleep because we will be heading up there early tomorrow, unless we get a call tonight.

Please pray for our families. This has been so hard on everyone. Thank you. I will let you know what happens later.

Update Feb 27th 12:44 AM

2010-02-27T00:43:00.003-06:00

We (mom, dad and I) arrived at De Paul Medical Center in St Louis about 10:45 this evening. We went to see Caroline in her room in ICU.

Nothing could have prepared me for seeing my sister laying in a bed - bruised, broken, unresponsive; with a mask on pushing air into her lungs. Her right arm was swollen 2 times it's normal size and bruised horribly. They have a sling and a removal cast on her hand to hold the 3 breaks she has on that arm.

The 3 vertabra in her neck are not just broken, they are completely shattered and her spinal cord is hanging loosely and the spinal fluid has poured into her neck area. She has a neck brace on, with the face mask forcing air into her mouth and nose, she has a feeding tube going into her nose - and a body cast made of some kind of composite material strapped around her body to give her support so she won't sever the spinal cord.

Her kidneys have shut down causing extreme swelling over her whole body. She can not speak. Her lungs are filling with fluid. She has had no pain meds since Tuesday and still can not wake up to talk to people.

She said once to her friend Brenda the first day she was here: "I do not want to live in a wheelchair the rest of my life."

She has said hello to Anna and her son Jim. When they had her raised up some yesterday she was able to nod her head yes or no to questions. Then she would wear out and sleep more.

When we came into the room mom went to her and said, "Caroline, it is Mom, I am here with you." She started swinging her left arm and hand looking for mom. She patted mom on the face and held her hand. Then she pushed mom away knowing dad was there too and reaching for him. She patted his face also. I have never before seen my dad lay over his daughter as if she were a small child with a bruise saying, "Sis, Daddy is here, Daddy is here honey." She then wanted mom and she patted her cheek again and held her hand. I held her hand, patted her and told her I loved her. She was then tired and went back to sleep and calmed down.

Anna said that is the most excited she had seen her since she got there on Tuesday. She had never waved her arm around reaching for anyone before. She knew her folks were here.

As we understand it - her kidneys have failed completely, she is paralyzed from the chestbone down. She will never walk again. She would have to be kept on life support and a breathing tube for as long as she lives. She would also have to be fed by the tube in her nose. She would wear the neck brace for 6 months to a year. She would go to a rehab hospital for that 6 mos to a hear, then to a care home. She will never be able to care for herself again, to feed herself, to walk - to go to church or go visit with friends and do her Stampin' Up cards she loves to do.

Along with the kidney problems her lungs are filling with fluid - her body can not pass the fluids in her system. They have quit giving her fluid to keep her hydrated because the fluid stays in her body.

This is my sister that doesn't like anything tight on her and she has things all over her that are tight. When she can she pulls on them trying to take them off.

I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, they are to take her to a "comfort level of care" which means unhooking all the meds, montiors and she is wearing a DNR bracelet. I pray that when they remove the mask, and all else that she can at least talk to us for a little bit and we can all share our love for her and that we are willing to let her go, that it is okay. Heaven is waiting for this gentle, giving, loving woman so has done so much for so many and expected nothing in return.

So many times in my life I have seen her bruised up but this time it looks like someone beat her with a ball bat.

Please pray that when the "comfort only care" is given that God will let her to go sleep peacefully and then she will be with him and will no longer be sick or hurting like she has for months and months.

Jim has a bad stomach infection where his dailysis line is in his stomach. He needs your prayers also, as he is close to being in the hospital himself.

I will keep you posted.

2nd post 2-25-2010

2010-02-25T13:42:00.002-06:00

I talked to Anna. She said last night before she left the hospital she told her mom that she needed for her to recognize that she (Anna) was there. She told her she had all night to think about it.

When she went in today, Caroline heard her voice and said, "Hi Anna". Twice. Anna was overjoyed.

I have been telling Anna all along that her mom can hear her talking and they need to talk to her.
As proof: A friend from their church was there this morning. The only thing Caroline said to her was, "Brenda, I don't want to live in a wheelchair." That was it, no more, no less.

Today they took am MRI of her kidney's. They are gone, non functioning. So she will have to go on dailysis or they will just have to let her go. Jim is not wanting too. They also found out she will have to be fed by a tube the rest of her life.

I told Anna to try and get her mom to talk while her dad is there to let him know what SHE wants. So Pray that she will. Thank you.

Update on Caroline 2-25

2010-02-25T11:13:00.004-06:00

It appears things are a lot worse off for Caroline then we thought. Because of her previous health problems: kidneys, lungs, heart and diabetes they can not operate on her back.

Her kidneys are not functionally properly. She has not woke up nor been responsive to commands. She can not breathe by herself.

Her husband, son and daughter have been asked to make a decision between these three:

1. Do all that is possible, but do not start her heart again if it stops.
(Because if they have to use compressions it would be right where her back is broken and would cause brain damage.)
2. Do comfort care. Make her as comfortable as possible and let nature take it's course.
3. Remove the oxygen and let nature take it's course.

This will be the hardess decision they will ever make. My parents and I are devastated. We know Caroline would not want to go on dailysis as she told us that the last time she was sick. We know she would not want to live the rest of her live paralyzed (as she is now). She wanted to just die the last time she was sick, she said she was ready to go (then).

My father said he knows she would not want to live like this, but he could not possibly make a decision. Nor could my mom and I. I know whatever Jim, Jimmie and Anna decide to do will be right. Please pray for them all.

Thank you. Sandy

January to February

2010-02-23T20:03:00.005-06:00

Febuary is almost over for 2010. I wish I could say it has been good so far but it hasn't. My sister was in the hospital in ICU and we almost lost her to pneumonia and other illnesses. Yet, by the grace of God she came out of it and was able to return home - although - as she put it, with her little friend (an oxygen bottle). She was starting to do pretty well and sound like herself again. However;

Last night she fell down their basement stairs and again is in ICU - only this time unless God decides differently the outcome won't be as promising. She is paralyized from a broken back.
Her back is broken in two places with the lower break causing the paralysis.
She has 3 broken ribs, 3 breaks on her right arm also. Please pray for her.

I can't wrap my arms around the fact that my big sister may never walk again. She and I both have the same problem, we could tell a lot of stories of our falls. Maybe it is something in our genes - but I have taken a lot of scary tumbles myself. And I am not one that cries much but I have had two good cries today already.

I don't mean for this to be depressing - but it is life. We can't say what tomorrow will bring for any of us. All we can do is prepare our hearts for the life hereafter and make sure that if our time should come we will be ready.

That's all for today. Hopefully my next post will be some good news.

January and past reflections

2010-01-06T11:53:00.004-06:00

As we look back at last year, we have had wars and rumors of wars. We have a President that thinks he is not allowed to be questioned on any decision he makes. He is the leader and we must follow.

These are scary times; more people are laid off jobs now then after 9/11/2001. All my life as things like this happen I have heard: "The coming of Christ must be soon." Yet, that was said in the bible days also. We wonder how long it will continue. It will continue and wax worse and worse - God is trying to bring his lambs back into his fold. My children need to come in, they know the way but I can't push them, they have to come of their own decision.

I haven't seen a lot of joy for a long time, nor have I felt it in myself.

I ask mom a few days ago if depression runs in our family - she said she couldn't think of anyone that has it. I will make a confession, in hopes that others see who I really am. I have been on anti-depression and anxiety medication for about two years now. My doctor just increased my dosage last week. It is hard to admit that I am this way, but it is reality.

Some people would say, why are you depressed? You are a Christian. Yes, I am a Christian. But why do some people have cancer and they are Christians? Why did my friend just die of cancer and he was a wonderful servant of God? Some questions go unanswered. Bad things happen to good people. Satan loves to torment Gods people, look at Job. Satan's pay day is coming then he will reap pain for all the pain he has caused.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I try my best to live on the beauty that God has put in this world. That is why I do photography. I find beauty in things that others might think are ugly. I look for natural and man made beauty. It is there, we just have to slow down long enough to see it. That helps my emotional feelings.

I made a decision about a year ago -

I don't go to movies where their are killings or anything bad like that. I go to romance or comedy movies.
I don't watch shows on TV that are all about sex, murders etc.
I watch the news, but only enough to stay informed - then I turn it off.
I try not to surround myself with negativity.
I read inspirational books and the Bible.
I listen to music.

We have not been closely involved in a church for a long time. Even though we GO to church and hear the message, Bob has chosen to not be part of a church family. That may be part of my problem. I don't have any friends, not Christian friends. I work with people 8 hours a day and know most of them quite well, but they aren't "friends". The only true friend I have is 5 hours away. We email most days but we don't get to be together but maybe once or twice a year.

Why am I writing this? I can't really say - I guess it is because I know there are others out there that are hurting too. I just seem to have the voice to write about it. Do I have the answers? No, if I did I wouldn't be where I am right now.

My grandson and I were watching TV one day and a commercial for depression came on. He sat and watched it, then he stated; "Why don't they just GET OVER IT." I had to explain that it is a disease that they can't just get over, they have to work through it and it may never go away completely. If only it were that easy, just GET OVER IT.

Anyway, I hope to make 2010 a better year.
1. I will continue to NOT do things that make me feel bad or that are not good for my spiritual soul.
2. I will work more on my scrapbooking and preserving the memories of the good times.
3. My photography will continue to be a big part of my life.
4. My spiritual quest will continue into more study, prayer and growth then before.
5. I will pray for my family and their families for their needs of spiritual salvation, shelter and food.
6. I will pray for our government - as they continue to do what is NOT good for us that someway their eyes will be opened and make changes that need made.

May your New Year be fruitful and you examine your inner self and do what needs to be done to make you happy. Then we can be better for our mates and family.

Love to you all.
Sandy

December 2009

2009-12-08T11:33:00.002-06:00

Wow, where has the time gone?

We have moved into a new home - much smaller then our prior home, but it is comfy and we are making it ours. The time as come to start thinking about those retirement days and we didn't want a hugh house payment for our old age... ha ha So we sold our beautiful home and moved.

My son got laid off with thousands of others here in Wichita. He is still trying to find a job. We have used his help in hanging ceiling fans, light fixtures and painting at our new little home. He has become very handy. Having never done those things before I believe he had a little pride in his work. He done a very good job too! Thanks Jer!

I don't have a whole lot to talk about. God has been good to us, we are healthly and he is meeting our needs. What more could we ask for?

We wish each of you a blessed Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

Sandy and Bob Keathley

Scrapbook House

2009-09-29T11:20:00.003-05:00

Wow this month is about over! Can you believe it is already Fall? The leaves are turning and the fall colors are showing.

Last weekend I went and seen a new SCRAPBOOK HOUSE, it is mainly set up for Scrapbooking but it could be used for other crafts also. It in an old part of town - and the house has been completely redone. It has 4 bedrooms with 12 twin beds, two completely redone (beautifully!) bathrooms, the Kitchen was restyled (has a wine cooler!) and even has a laundry area - plus the 4 craft rooms and lounge with flat screen television. The wood work is all natural to the Victorian Style of the house, and they built a new Gazebo outside.

They rent the WHOLE house from Thursday till the next Tuesday for $1,200. With 12 women staying that is only $100 each - they supply the tables, and other items for scraping. The linens and all are supplied also. All you do is bring your things and food.
The scrapbook store I frequent will be having some parties there I am sure! Can't wait.

September 22, 1977

2009-09-22T11:08:00.002-05:00

At 7:30 am on this day I gave birth to TWINS, one boy and one girl. Today they are 32 years old.

Just where have the years gone? I used to listen to my mom talk about how fast time was going, now I see what she meant. It seems only yesterday that my twins were toddlers and now they are grown. One with a son, 12 yrs old of her own!

I would not have changed it for anything. We had a ball with them. As toddlers they brought such joy and they were very healthy and active with all their friends.

Today they have grown into a fine young man and woman and are our friends. Our relationship is great. Of course, there were a few times when we wondered but they always came around! Our continued prayers is for God to bless them and watch over them. And for them to keep Christ close in their hearts as they were taught as young children.

Love you both, Jen and Jer! Mom and Dad

House hunting and downsizing

2009-08-24T12:43:00.003-05:00

House hunting and downsizing SUCKS big time! We are in the process of putting our house on the market and looking for a smaller, less expensive home. The up-side is getting rid of things I have hung onto forever and having a mortgage we can afford when we retire.

In 2001 we built a new, beautiful home. We were planning on staying at least 10 years then use the money in the equity to put down on a different home when we retire. We had thought we would move to a lake and enjoy doing nothing. Then our children said they don't have plans to move from this area, and my folks are doing great - so with the economy the way it is, the interest rates are low and houses are available at reasonable prices - we thought we would move on with our goal - to sale and buy. We don't want to move away from those we love, so we are looking right here for our retirement "nest".

YET, I am getting too friggin' old to do this stuff! I have cleaned cabinets out, cleaned out a pantry, kitchen cabinets, packed boxed, labeled boxes. And that is just two rooms and they aren't even done! HELP - lol In other words I have a long, long way to go.

You can not imagine what my office looks like! The walk in closet is full of stuff - plus all my scrapbooking, sewing, painting, quilting - old movie projector, cameras, and misc other stuff.
I will have to get into a "throw away" mood and go for it. Yep, sell the Ty bears, let go of the old movies of the kids that are brittle and can't be redone onto a disk. All those slides and the slide projector will have to go - the cassette tapes and VHS tapes.

I guess I need to take a step into the future - journal my past and throw the physical parts of it into the trash. It is so hard to let go - my kids riding on hot wheels racing to the top of the driveway and then coasting backwards and bouncing off the gate and laughing - then doing it again. All those Christmas films of them toddling around the gifts and tree. The hugs and kisses that are captured on film.

Those are all memories now. I just need the courage to put it in the past and move on.

My life and what has been going on.....

2009-08-07T13:21:00.003-05:00

Hubby and I have been doing a few things lately.

My daughter moved out about a month ago into an apartment with her twin brother. So far it is working out okay. They have their differences, but doing okay.
My son got laid off his job and is looking for a new one. That is rather hard to find right now since so many aircraft workers are without jobs. My daugther is looking for a full time medical office job. She works part time right now.

Hubby and I enjoyed a weekend in OKC recently. We went to the Bricktown waterwalk and did a Photowalk all along it. Got some beautiful photos. Then went to Joes Crab Shack for lunch - later Ted's Mexican for dinner. YUMMMMMM is all I can say. We visited Bass Pro and a Chrisitan bookstore. We enjoyed a weekend of being lazy.

Last weekend was my nieces wedding. She is now Mrs. Chris Harris - it only took 38 years to get married so I hope it last a lifetime for both of them. I had the pleasure of taking her wedding photos. The wedding was in an old theater in Mission KS. The lighting was horrible but I got some good photos - if you care to see - go to www.sandykeathley.smugmug.com and enjoy. My other Photowalks are there also.

Tomorrow I am going on another photowalk to a part of town that I have never done a walk in so it should be interesting. Will post photos on my smugmug site later - so look for those.

Anyone wanting to join the walk tomorrow it is at 9 am at 21st Street and Arkansas, meet at the QT shop. See you there!

World Wide Photowalk in Wichita KS

2009-07-14T12:49:00.003-05:00

July 18th, we will have part in the World Wide Photowalk. I have 27 people signed up already to join us. If you are interested go to: http://worldwidephotowalk.com/wichita-ks-usa and sign up! We would love to have you. So far there are over 24,000 people world wide signed up in towns everywhere!

We will meet at the old train station at 8 a.m. and walk through downtown and end at Meadcorner at approx 10 a.m. to cool off and get something to drink. We will share and make new friends. You are invited to join us! You don't have to be a professional - bring your pocket camera and enjoy yourself.

Last weekend I went to OKC and went through the Bricktown Waterwalk. That is a great photo opt. It is beautiful, lost of hotels, resturants, clubs, Bass Pro - the Ford Center, Coke Center and the Bricktown ball stadium. We ate at Joe's Crab Shack and at Cafe' Escondito's better known as TED's - THE best Mexican food anywhere. It was a nice week - for it being 105 degree's!

Well, come and join me on Saturday and let's take some photos of Wichita downtown!

Downsize - what? How do I do that?

2009-06-09T13:03:00.004-05:00

My husband and I are growing closer to our "retirement years". They are a few years off yet, but we have decided it is time to start getting ready for it.

We need to be able to 'afford' to be retired. Okay, we can do that. I have paid off the credit cards. paid off a car (two to go). We pay cash for what we need (not want).

Yet that is not enough, we need to downsize. Ahhhh excuse me? I have taken the last 40 years to obtain what we have, now get rid of it? That is like taking candy from a child after you have given it to him and let him taste it. It will NOT be pretty.

Okay, so I took a breath and thought about it. We can not afford the taxes on the house we live in so we must move into something older. I can do that. I can even deal with fixing something up. Yet, I have my expectations of what kind of house I want to retire in. Don't you?

I need either a porch or a patio - preferably in shade. I need a comfortable kitchen - not big but with reasonable storage. I would like an office to do my crafts in. Bob wants a two car garage with a workshop area (funny how I have wanted one for seven years and haven't gotten it, but that is another blog). We want one spare bedroom and two baths (we don't share well). That sounds reasonable. Right?

To do that we need to DOWNSIZE from a huge house with enough furniture to furnish two houses. Not too long ago we bought a sofa and loveseat. They are Lazyboy and four of the seats recline. Yet, it is too large for our livingroom. My thinking is they will be too large for a smaller house also. We need to sell those!

Then there is the STUFF - lots and lots of STUFF. We have rooms of STUFF. I usually give things to Goodwill or Helping Hands so as to not have to deal with them. But when we are looking at this much I am going to have to advertise and try to sale some things and then maybe have a garage sale. How in the world did we get to here? Jesus said "not to want for anything, not even the clothes we wear or the food we eat". Wow - we must have forgotten about that because we bought it instead.

Okay, bite size pieces - we need to find a house that we can live in, and while we are looking for that we need to start selling things. I will let you know how it goes!

Abortionist slain in his church

2009-06-01T14:32:00.003-05:00

Dr George Tiller the late term abortionist who practiced here in town was shot and killed in his church yesterday. They have caught the man that done it, he is from the KC area. He didn't put up a fight. I guess he had his mind made up to do it and did.

It is making me sick to hear how they are praising Tiller as a good man, a Christian man etc. He was a murderer of babies. He would kill then up until their due date. If you don't know what a late term abortion is, they deliver the baby all but the head, then they suck out the brain. That makes it legal as the baby has not started breathing yet. Therefore it is not a live birth. That is not a Christian man that can do that!

I am having a struggle feeling bad for him being murdered. I do feel bad for his family, but hopefully a lot of babies will be saved now because of it. Is that wrong to feel that way?

The man that killed him was wrong in what he done, that was murder also. I am sure he feels he gave his life to save all the babies that would be killed. Will God forgive him for premediating and killing another human being? That is not for me to judge. I will leave it in God's hands, he is the judge - not me.

Memories of Veterans

2009-05-25T19:58:00.002-05:00

My father was in WWII, he never talked about it until the last few years. He is now 84 years old and may not have many more years left. He is one of the few left, as the heros of that war are all going on to be with those who have passed before them.

I am so happy that he is healthy and enjoys going fishing, in fact, this morning he caught an 8 lb channel cat, which he kept. Usually he throws back, but he kept this one. Just a few years ago it was not unusual for him to bring home flathead weighting in at 40 to 60 lbs. He loved the fight they gave him. They would tear his hands and arms up when he would reach down to pull them out, but he loved it.

My husband served in the Air Force during the Viet Nam war. He never went over but some of his friends did. One in our group did not return. Many of my friends came home emotionally damaged, unable to function. They have since adapted but the scares are still there - as the physical scars my father still bares.

My son was in the Navy in Desert Storm, he was stationed on the USS John Stennis, aircraft carrier. He was a plane caption and was in charge of a team of men that worked on the Tom-Cats. The longest time he spent stationed near the war was nine months. I was so thankful that he was on ship and not on shore.

Many young men and women today are in the ongoing war both at home and overseas. Not only in the middle East but all over the world. I thank each and everyone of them for the danger they put themselves in so that I might have the freedom to have the life I do.

On this Decoration Day - may God bless all of these - our heros.

One week then HOME TO USA

2009-03-23T03:30:00.004-05:00

I hope this week flies by, but since I want it too, it will probably drag by.

We did not accomplish what we came to do, simply because it is impossible to do it. It isn't because we haven't tried. Next step is to take my writers home with me to work directly with our engineers to try and accomplish it. Enough said.

This week we have a new lady that came in, so we will go into Berlin a couple of nights. I will go this time. Hope it will not be too dark by the time we get off so that I can get some good photo's.

I hope you enjoy the few I put on of Potsdam - they had two palaces there and I am sure some others that we didn't find. It rained on and off all day that day and was very foggy so the photos did not come out as well a I would have liked. But you take what you can get. Right?

I have found my stay here to be pleasant enough. Had I known more German it would have helped. At the end of this week I will have spent a total of five weeks in Germany in the last four months.

I probably would never have came otherwise, so that I can thank my job for. I just hope this is the last time I have to come. Will see. I do need to get with the bosses about some other projects we are going to have to write though and make sure I understand how they want them done. We don't want the same mess as we have had on this project.

One thing I have noticed about Germany is they take dinner time and their Sunday brunches to be festive times. When you go to a resturant you could be there for hours. They are never in a rush to give you a ticket to move you out. The wine pours and conversation continues into the night.

The places are quiet so that you can have a conversation with your guest. Unlike American resturants where they are so loud you have to scream to talk to someone and they want you in - fed - and out the door. That has been very nice. Although some nights we have just wanted to eat and leave you have to hunt them down for your ticket. ha

Water is not free here, nor do you get ice cubes. They put cucumbers on every sandwich or hamburger. I have not found their food to be too rich or spicy. Although you do have to be careful as they prefer their meat rather raw or raw. Fish too.... they had four kinds of fish on the breakfast bar this morning and I am sure two of them were raw. They always have a varity of cheeses, and luncheon style meats on the breakfast bar. Most I have no idea what they are, nor do I want to find out.

Well, back to work! Enjoy your week - I hope to enjoy mine.

Idle thoughts of an empty mind

2009-03-14T13:17:00.005-05:00

Where's Waldo? As I stated I am in Germany for a three week business trip. How I was selected to come I do not know, other then the fact that I am the only closest to the project to represent the company on this job. Others could have came, but I am the closest one to the fire, so I am the first to be thrown in. Right?

Weather: The weather has been much like Kansas. Cold, overcast and rainy. Although I did hear that Wichita got some snow in my absence. It snowed on our wedding day, March 13, 1969 also. So I thought that was rather cool.

Reading: Let's see, the book I am reading right now is:
"Are We Livng in the End Times?" by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. If you remember they are the authors of the best-selling "Left Behind" series.

I am also doing a bible study on End Times, that is one reason I am reading this book again.

I have another one to start: "eat, pray and love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. It is one woman's search for everything across Italy, India and Indonesia. I thought it sounded interesting.

Food: I went down and had dinner a bit ago - the only thing they have on the menu I really like is the cheeseburger and chips (fries). (They serve catsup in a bowl with half catsup and have mayo.) They do a rather good job on it - although I am not going to ask what the meat really is - it could be anything from oxen to lamb. The only think is I have to remove the sliced cucumbers off the burger before I eat it. They put cucumbers on all sandwiches here.

I tried to be advertureous and did order ' "pan fired" Haddock filet' the other night. When it came, it was presented rather nicely but the fish was absolutately RAW. The last time I was here I ordered "tenderloin strips" - and they were RAW. ack!

Site seeing: I haven't done any of that and don't know that I will. I have never been a fan of Germany's history nor do I care too much for the people I work with from here (I find them rather demanding and rude). I know there are a lot of things to see and do, but I will have to weigh that one out and let you know what I do about it later.

Language: There is quite a language barrier here. The German people do not speak much English. I do work in a room with a couple of English gent's - and now in my head I tend to speak with a bit of a British accent. Everything I write or hear sounds either German or British. It is a little strange, to say the least.

Winding up: So that is my visit to the great country of Germany thus far. I am sure I will have more stories to tell in the next two weeks, if I live that long!

They have already ask me to stay and keep my crew here until this project is finished. I told them; "I could stay for two years, and you still would not be happy." They didn't care for that a bit. But it was the MAIN project lead for this task that said that, not I. However, it is true. I can't give them what I don't have, no matter how badly they think they need it.

They have already reduced me to a bundle of nerves and depression - so it is best that I just do my best and then crawl back under the covers and hide. Don't you think?

Good night all !!!! Till later.

Is Spring ever coming?

2009-02-22T09:10:00.002-06:00

It seems Winter takes longer and longer to pass - doesn't it? Or is it just my age? lol Not a big fan of cold weather or harsh winds that cut right through you. But I do live in Kansas.

Let's see what has been going on - my daughter is engaged, her twin brother isn't happy about it, thinks she is moving way too fast. I think he needs to just let her be happy - it is not his decision to make. But that is me. She is looking at an April wedding.

This one she will have to plan and put together herself as mom is going to Germany again. This time for 3 weeks. No Paris trips this time. However, I want to see small villages and go into Berlin and look around. Didn't get to do that last time. Maybe a ghost hunt in an old castle at night? Na, don't think so, I will leave that for TAPS to handle.

I bought myself a present. I got a new ipod Touch. I LOVE IT, once I finally figured out how to download music on it. There was a pop-up ad that I didn't close - the setup was behind that... duah ~ what a retard sometimes.

I can surf the internet, get my emails, twitter, photos, games and of course music on it. Pretty darn cool. I am sure there is lots more I haven't learned that it does.

Mom and Dad are doing great. They are getting cable tv - phone - and internet. The service they are using just isn't working well for them. Plus since the new TV conversion they are only getting 2 stations - and those will go away when they all convert. The box they bought doesn't work - they need a new antenna. So I checked for them and got a bundle with Cox. I do hope they like it. Dad will have Discovery, History, Science channels - Mom will have her Hallmark and TCM movie channels - plus a lot more.

We are switching also, to the new U-Verse that AT&T has. It is a fiber-optic system. Hope we like it. We have satellite right now and get very tired of the tv going off everytime the wind blows - especially during storms when we need it the most.

Well, I should be working, so best get to it. Yak at you later!

January 2009 - Resolutions - nope not me

2009-01-13T11:13:00.008-06:00

It seems to be the "status" to make New Year's resolutions - the only one I make and keep is making pinto beans, fried potatoes and cornbread for dinner. I used to do the "blackeyed pea" thing but decided I don't like the taste of them so changed to something we do like. It is still a bean isn't it? Besides would a blackeyed pea, or a bean REALLY make you have a lucky year?

My trip to Germany went well, the job role I was there for proved successful and my trip to Paris was a cherry on the top. I can't say enough about Paris - I loved it, I love the cowds, the small spaces, the people, the city, the metro, the river, the air - everything about it. If you EVER get the chance to go - do it.

I have joined the world of Twitter - it is a message scene where you can type in 140 characters or less "What are you doing?". I have made vitural friends and even met some in person.

I have joined "Flickr" and go to a "Flickr" club as a result of a new friend from Twitter. Be sure to check out my photos on: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cntrystyln My Paris and Germany photos are on there.

It really took me awhile to get oriented again after my trip. International travel is exhausting and then you have the flight cancelations, missing connections - the weather, not to mention the loss of 7 hours that you don't seem to ever regain. I have been tired ever since I got home and have been in sort of a "fog", working and living on remote control.

Watching the way the world is going right now can freak one out. I don't even open my financial statements. I don't want to see how much I have lost in the stock market.

I am not happy with the president elect - but I feel sorry for him as he is taking over a HUGH MESS, that not only the past administration but former administrations before him have left for someone to clean up. I can almost feel the relief that the Bushes are feeling in walking away from the White House so they can rest.

I don't watch very much of the news, I read it online. Then I can go past what I don't want to read. I don't want my mind dwelling on all the bad stuff. You might ask - am I putting my head in the sand? No, I am not. I have read my Bible, I know that the wars in the middle East are not going to be solved by anyone. They will continue until the end of time. We can not go in and make them "happy", they will never be happy.

I know enough that we BETTER protect Isarel, because if we turn our back on them God will turn his back on us. They are the chosen people and as his children we better watch their backs.

When I was in college I done a study on the "Conspiracy Theory" and the "Skull and Bones Society". The conspiracy theory states that America will become a country of "service" and not production. This was the intent from many years ago.

Our leaders have been chosen from the "Skull and Bones Society" all the way back to Roosevelt. That America is owned and operated by the wealthy and the plan has been to do away with the middle class people. Sound like something you have read lately? Yeah, kind of scary isn't it?

If you want to get a little more freaked out, think of this. In the bible a country called the Great Eagle stops being talked about. American is the Great Eagle - where do we go? Do we get bought out by a foreign country? (Our dollar keeps going down in valve, to the point it may not be worth much and we owe other countries LOTS of money.) Are we destroyed? What happens to America? Whatever it is, we are not mentioned in the bible anymore.

But now wait, before you become freaked out - remember something - if you are truly a born again, washed in the blood of Jesus Christian - you have nothing to worry about. If you have read the end of the book - WE WIN. Maybe this year will be the year.

Maybe that bean will be lucky after all !!!!

Germany and Paris

2008-12-10T15:08:00.004-06:00

Here I am in Germany - 10 days in really. I finally get to come home to the USA on Friday. I am so ready.

There is just something wrong when you order from a menu, and it states the dish has beef strips in it - they come and you begin eating it thinking it is "strange" to say the least then you find you are eating RAW beef. How gross is that?

Paris was fabulous - had a great two days, walked until my legs and feet felt like they were going to fall off. Seen all the sites we could in two days. I would go back in a heartbeat. It is wonderful. If you don't like small spaces and crowds, you probably would not like it. I went with an open mind and had a wonderful time.

The weather is bitter cold, Peta would have a ball here - I have never seen so many fur coats. They are beautiful, I seen several fox coates that I would love to have. Nothing like a red fox coat. However, I would not want the little guys to die so I could wear their fur. Man made fabrics is okay by me.

It has been an experience being here. The first day I was almost on the boarder crossing of Poland, by mistake. Then today, after being so careful with what I eat I end up eating raw meat. Yes, an experience to say the least.

I will share photos later. Cheers for now.

Happy Thanksgiving then off to Germany

2008-11-25T21:37:00.000-06:00

Well, I got a call this morning, I will be leaving for Germany the first of the week for 12 days.
They are trying to book it for Monday December 1st, or Tuesday at the latest.

We will be working tomorrow to get me an engineering laptop all loaded up and export compliant so that it will work there. They are also getting a cell phone that I can use to call internationally. I already have my corporate American Express card and passport. (Now I have to remember where I put them!)

The bad part is I do not read or speak German so this should be fun driving over there. I have a course to learn German but how much can I learn in four days? Maybe enough to ask where the bathroom is or can I have a salad please? Or no, I do not want beer with that. (I hear they drink a lot over there.)

Now I need to find the correct plug in adapters for my curling irons etc. I have to do laundry, pack and make sure I have all that I need. All in only 3 days to do it since Thursday is Thanksgiving.

The big thing? I haven’t even started Christmas shopping, I guess it is a good thing everyone wanted to draw names this year. Maybe I can buy my person’s gift in Berlin – that would be cool.

Objective of this? To train to do what we have been trying to do since May. They are still not happy. I am the project manager and the clients that work for us – their project manager is going with me.
We will get to tour the Rolls Royce Plant and see the manufacturing of the engines that will go into the nacelle and thrust reversers we are building.

Another neat part? I will be there for 12 days and should get to do some site seeing in Berlin. Maybe see the Wall that fell. They say it is beautiful over there. Will see.

I don’t like to fly and it takes 10 hours to fly there. Not good. But at least I am going business class so that should help a little with my restless leg syndrome. It isn’t good for me to sit that long.

Well, just thought I would let you know what is going on. I worry about my little Yorkie – he goes into a depression when I go to work or on a weekend trip – he has never been gone from me for two weeks. I just hope he does okay. Bob is concerned about him too. I know he is a dog – but he is my baby!

Happy Thanksgiving to all – enjoy your families, as I plan too, just wish Caroline and her family could have been here.

A Thanksgiving story about Jasper

2008-11-24T12:06:00.001-06:00

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10-year-old child you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project was downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving dinner for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.
I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.

I am still mad at the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole house that worked, thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening and to reheat Thursday morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for five hours.

After three hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning about an hour later. An hour after that, the rolls were ready to go into the oven.

It was 8:30 p.m. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock, one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper, and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. Even his cheeks were bloated.

I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK; however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every two hours for the rest of the night.

Who knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed, the dog was black, white, and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on my part.
We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing, we put the dog out to take care of his business. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his rear. Most of the time when he was walking, his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard, he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk.

He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about four or five hours. He then told me to keep giving the dog Pepto Bismol.

Afraid to leave Jasper by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.

My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch (a 10- to 15-minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and me, we took off.

Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.

Now he was beginning to pass gas and it smelled like baked rolls. We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's. We were thankful she didn't live any farther away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, "What goes in must come out," and Jasper was no exception.

Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house.
Having discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.

This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor, and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.

We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely, so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal, both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear, I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found two risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.

It appears he must have come to his senses after eating ten of them but decided hiding two of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer: "How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet."

And how was your day?

Forgot my cousins birthday today - dang it

2008-11-22T21:30:00.003-06:00

Went to lunch with my mom and cousin, with grandson in tow. It wasn't until we were sitting at Olive Garden I realized today was her birthday. DANG IT. I really felt bad, as I don't usually forget her birthday.

This just proves to me that I have been much to involved with the constant upheaval at work. I really need to step back some and get my life back. I am a dedicated worker but I believe it is starting to take it toll on me both mentally and physically.

I am even scheduled for surgery on December 18th and my manager thanks it is a good idea that I not have the surgery. That kind of bums me out. Here I am have it planned and am all ready for it emotionally and that takes time to get to that point. I have a decision to make be fore the first part of December. I have to pay for the surgery by Dec 4th.

Also they keep me in the loom of having to go to Germany. Yet, no date has been set although I am to be ready when they decide it is time. This could be for a week or two. Not a good plan right now. How far does job loyality go?

Friends, family and any social life has been pushed to the side as I am either working or too tired to do anything.

All I can say is I am so glad I have a job. I enjoy what I do, I would just like to see a little progress on it so that I can back off some.

I will shut up now... thanks for listening.

Hold that thought

2008-11-05T09:24:00.001-06:00

Not so sure about my trip to Germany - just got a note, they aren't as happy as we had hoped. I can NOT imagine what they are unhappy about now. It can not be anything too serious. grrrrr

Right now I would like to just walk out the door and not come back. Ever have one of those days?

No trip for now

2008-11-05T08:32:00.001-06:00

I made my deadline this weekend. I processed 33 task and got them sent to Germany. They seem happy for now. I worked 18.5 hours on Saturday and Sunday. I am still tired. ha

Now we have 65 more to go by Dec 15th. Think we will make it?

Fall has come to Kansas with a nip of Winter some days - my trees in the back yard have no leaves left on them. It was like one day they were beautiful the next day the were all on the ground. It is to be rainy today and a little cooler.

A nice gloomy day for the welcoming of a socialist President - you think?

I was not happy this morning when I heard the results. My heart is heavy for our Country today - we have no idea of what lies ahead of us. I fear for life as we know it.

Seriously I do, my kids can't understand why I feel that way, I just do.

No matter what happens with Obama my heart still belongs to Jesus and he is my life and nothing will happen that he doesn't allow - for whatever reason.

We just need to keep our hearts ready, read the word, pray endlessly and be ready. Right?

Friends - go find them

2008-10-30T11:22:00.004-05:00

If you are lucky in life, you will make friends. There friends will be there for you - through thick and thin.

Then life happens and you lose track of them. You wonder where they are; how their life has gone. Are they happy? Do they have children? Where do they live?

Not until recently through the great wonders of google and people searchs has one been able to find these friends.

In the last year I have found or they have found me - people from school and people from when we were in the military. For some reason you remember certain people and others are "blanks".

I recently rejected going to my 40th high school reunion. Why? Because I wouldn't know anyone. I did know two people that were coming - one from Texas and one from California. But I shorted myself on not going. I did have something to do that night, but I could have gone over afterward. Yet, on the way to the reunion I got to the street I turn on to go home and I did just that, I went home.

The class decided to try and have another reunion in 2010 to celebrate what will be most of our 60 yr old birthday year. That would be cool. Maybe I will make it to that one.

Then there are the friends you get to know while you are in the military. No, I was not in the military but my husband was - so therefore I was. Right? You grow close to these people because (like at college) you are away from family and friends and you are put into a unit and you make friends. It has been great talking to one that has found me. We have now found another and will be contacting her.

Life has a way of throwing the good and the bad at us. Or like my husband has said "in his quest to buy a corvette", you have a way of realizing you are getting older and not younger. We want to grab onto the old days and hang on for dear life.

In some cases the memories are not so good, but we were all young and made mistakes - get over it and go find some of those friends and see what they are up too. It might be worth it.

The wonder of pets and life

2008-10-21T11:30:00.003-05:00

My thoughts are all twisted and tangled today. My heart is heavy and aches. So much is going on in the lives of those I care about. You just want to fix it, but you can't. So I shall blog and let my mind wonder:

I did have a fun weekend. I went on a Photo Walk with 10 friends. There were real photographers, small digital cameras (like mine), even phone cameras. So it was a gammit of people. It was fun to see what everyone looked at but seen differently through their cameras eye. You know? A bolt can be very interesting through the eye of a camera even though it is ugly to the naked eye.

On a different subject yet - it is official that our 25 pound Westie, Sparky, is afraid of our 8 pound Yorkie, Buster. Buster tells when and if Sparky can do stuff. Yet, Sparky tries to get back at him by stealing his bones and laying on them so he can't find them. He is happier being uncomfortable trying to lie on a bone then to let Buster have it. It is so funny.

Bob was working out in the garage one day last week, he came in and Sparky (usually a very sloth type of dog) looked bright eyed and excited. Upon further investigation it seems Sparky had gotten a spirt of energy and tossed and moved all the pillows and pet beds in the living/dining room area. He has been know to take two beds of Busters and put on his bed and lie on all of them. He likes comfort. Too funny. Bob calls him a designer you never know what he will do with a few pillows.

I am so hoping for a FAT envelope when I get home today for Jennifer. She is waiting for the results of her interview to see if she made it into the cut for nursing school this next semester. She said a FAT envelope is good a FLAT one is not. She has waited a long time and I do hope she makes it this time. Will let you know.

Later!

Hormones and tweens

2008-09-30T11:29:00.001-05:00

My grandson just turned eleven. He is growing into a fine young man. Yet, I am waiting for the “shoe to drop” as they say.

When his mom; my daughter, turned eleven that was when the hormones kicked in – and boy did they kick it.

It was a constant roller coaster ride; everything involved drama, nothing was a small matter to her – it was the size of a mountain. No one had ever experienced the heartache, the embarrassment, the total humiliation or devastation she was going through. Therefore, no one understood her and we were all to blame for her problems.

When you give birth to your sweet little baby – they don’t give you a book of rules, or instructions with them, you are on your own. (I was however able to fool my twins with the “Mom’s book of rules” until they hit junior high.)

When they hit puberty you wonder what in the $^^$ has just happened. You want to give them back, run away from them, do whatever you can just to get away from them. But at this time they need you more then ever before. YOU are going to be the one to help them through it. That was what Dr James Dobson said – just get them through it to the other side – as safely as possible.

After much prayer and the fact that I would go to jail if I did her in, my husband and I decided the best way to handle things were one at a time. Let the situation decide the course of action. We learned to “pick our battles”, which was most important – the shirt she was wearing or staying out late? Going to a friend’s house for a while or staying all night with someone you don’t know?

I seriously considered putting her in her room and nailing the door shut for the next ten years. (This had entered our minds more than once.)

My husband didn’t help much, his take on things was – she is going to do what she wants anyway. HELLO? What continent was he raised on?

This brings in another whole problem with kids – marriage. You get two people – they meet, fall in love and get married. Then you find out – who is this person? Where in the world did he get his ideas from? You find out you don’t know this person.

How was he/she raised? How did they come by their habits? Who did what in their parent’s marriage? Did the mom discipline the kids or the dad? What methods were used? Was their substance abuse in the family? What kinds of issues did they bring into this new relationship? Coupled with your family and your upbringing – it is a wonder kids survive at all.

The bible talks about four generations of sin – the sins of the father etc. That would be the Grandfather, the Father, your children and then their children. That is four generations of habits, upbringing – trails and tribulation that has come to rest on the child’s shoulders.

Then throw in the school friends, church friends, neighbor kids that will influence your child. TV, games, computer/internet, books, shows - all of these things influence the way they think, reason and grow.

The example of the parents is a huge influence on child – what mom and dad SAY is one thing, but what they do is another. Divorce, separation, death – are things that influence them.

To be a parent of a child, a tween, teenager or young adult is a huge responsibility today.

However, if they don’t grow up to be what we want or if they really screw up their lives – what can you do?

I say blame it on the Great-grandfather. After all he raised the Grandfather who passed it on to the father who passed it on to you and you passed it on to your child. Right?

(Hummmm I wonder if this is why this generation never takes responsibility for what they do? You think?)

POST NOTE: My daughter read this and thought I was really angry - there was no anger in this writing. We all know we love our children unconditionally no matter what they put us through - they have to grow up and we grow up with them. She said she didn't feel I was angry with her, just angry. Nope, nadda, zip - no anger here. Just blogging my thoughts.

Color OPPS....

2008-09-28T19:00:00.003-05:00

Just finished a day and a half scrapbooking shop. It was for Breast Cancer. I finished 23 paper pages. No digi on this one. But that is okay. Digi is for another day.

Let's see - where do I start with this? Due to the fact that I am getting older - my hair seems to be grey - alot grey. I don't want to be old, and like I said I am going to fight it with all that I have.

I have been coloring my hair for years - a few opps along the way -- and this weekend was another OPPS.... a week ago I colored my hair and went a shade darker then normal.

I was dark, hubby liked it - I didn't, I thought it looked mousey - so this morning I put a warmer color on it. It was not to be too much different - just a little with more red hightlights in it. Easy right?

It was D-A-R-K with almost maroon looking highlights in it. YUK... hubby didn't like it. After we went to lunch, I ask him to drop by Walgreens so I could pick up another color.

He so gently said, I am glad you want to change it - and I don't really know how to say it - but sometimes when ladies get a little older, they tend to not get the "right" color... ha ha Yes, I have to admit he is right.

So looking around the color row - I found a "Color OPPS" kit. It says it takes your hair back to where it was before you colored it. And it was gentle enough that you can color again that same day.

I bought it, used it - as I was rinsing it out there was no color going down the drain - hello? I was afraid to look. But when I did, it did not take it back ONE coloring it took it back TWO colorings ago. Only a little lighter - I am blonde! Not really, really blonde, but blonde.

I think I will let it rest for a week and then color it again. It doesn't look so bad that I can't wear it. Just that I haven't been this blonde since the 70's, ha~!

Will let you know what happens next week.

2008-09-10T20:10:00.002-05:00

Has Fall finally come? I can't really complain, we only had three days of 100 degree weather this summer. However, I do enjoy the cool weather, and the touch of seasonal change in the air.

This month is birthday month around our house. My girlfriend, Doni had a birthday today (the 10th). Tomorrow the 11th is my nephew, JC's (Jimmie to me) birthday, the 18th is my birthday and then the 22nd is my twins birthday. One could get really fat this month from all the dinners and cakes.

The 21st of August was Brenton's birthday (my grandson) and he enjoyed THREE birthday dinners and two cakes just for himself. Then he had a party with his dad's family. We will not attempt that this month.

On the weekend of the 13th Bob and I are going to Kansas City and look around. We will spend time up by the Speedway. That area has grown into quite the shopping place the last few years. I went to a crop there a few years ago, then went back - just driving through and could not believe all that had been built around there. So that should be fun.

Since I only get two weeks vacation a year and Bob gets six - we try to take weekend trips so that I can extend my time. We enjoy looking around and just being together. It also gives me a stress relief from work.
Which I might add, has gotten better of late.

On the 26th/27th I will be going to Scrap Pink - it is a scrapbook event that gives money to the Breast Cancer Org. It is at Andover - so I am not going far this year. Usually I go to Carthridge Missouri for this event. Work, the price of gas and just wanting to stay home has made me think of going to Scrap*fun*attic for this event. It will be a lot of fun.

School is back in session and Brenton is enjoying his new school. I can't believe he is in the 6th grade and middle school this year. Where has the time gone? He is growing up so much. I hope his time staying with us will make us stay close as he grows up and doesn't want to be around much anymore. I know that time is coming when he will want to be with friends more then us. I will just pray that he makes the right decisions in his life and is happy with what he becomes. (Okay that is going to make me cry so I will stop that now!) ha

Until later -

Is Fall Coming

2008-09-05T11:42:00.003-05:00

It seems that Fall is on its way. The weather has cooled and it is drizzling today.

I love the Fall, the colors, the coolness of the air, the smell of fireplaces and baking. It seems when the weather cools down we just want to get "homey" and "cozy". Well, maybe not fireplaces YET, but they will come.

My doggies like it too, they can stay out longer and enjoy their yard without getting heat stroke. They are something - the little Yorkie thinks he has to be FIRST out the door and FIRST down the stairs - the Westie is also thinking the same thing - one of these days they are going to both go rolling down the stairs off the deck!

I have the desire (but not the energy) to do some Fall cleaning and purging.... anyone want to help?

I have a Pink Scrap to go to on Sept 26/27 it is for Breast Cancer Awareness, I am looking forward to that. My next planned Scrap won't be until November and that one is in Missouri.

My energy for writing has been so stagnated lately with my work flow - it is horrible how work gets in the way of my "real" life, you know? But hey, that is what life is - it draws you in and sucks the energy out of you! ha ha Not really (but yeah, sometimes).

Until next time - take the time to see the world around you, look at the clouds, and the flowers. Watch the foliage change colors and enjoy some quiet time doing something YOU want to do. But most of all, hug your loved ones - they are your real world and they need to know it.

On a Weekend Trip

2008-08-09T22:36:00.006-05:00

Hubby and I decided to go on a weekend trip.

We started out at by stopping in Vinita Oklahoma at Clanton's Diner, this was on Guy's "Diners, Drive'ins and Dives". We had open faced roastbeef sandwiches with gravy and mashed potatoes - it was wonderful! Tender as all get out. Then I had a slice of homemade chocolate pie, hubby had coconut, yummmm GREAT - if you are ever in the area you have to stop.

We proceeded to Grove OK, I had been thinking about buying some property there for a little retirement place. NO WAY would I live there - you hear the stories about all the Arkansas people having cars in the yards and junk all over - well that is Grove - of course it is mixed with some very expensive beautiful homes. My thoughts of moving there have gone.

On to Tulsa for a visit to the Aquarium in Jenks OK. It was very nice, with lots of different sea life including sharks. They are redoing some of it, but it is really nice. We did try to find the new Ted's Cafe in Tulsa but could not. So - no Ted's this trip. Didn't really feel like driving to Edmond for one Mexican meal.

We then went to a antiques store and I (of course) had to visit the local scrapbook store. Didn't find anything I couldn't live without.

So then it was on to Stillwater - we have never seen the OSU campus. It is HUGE, the new stadium is state of the art, and they are building like crazy.
All the buildings are Colonial in style - reminded me of William and Marys in Willimsburg VA.

We didn't realize that we came on the weekend that all the parents are here moving their kids in for the new school year. Because of that we didn't go to Eskimo Joe's - we figured it would be full of college students seeing old friends.

We ate a a wonderful Italian restaurant. Then for breakfast the next morning we ate at Parnea Bread (wonderful Quiche), then it was back home to Wichita.

Indian Digi Scrap

2008-06-20T19:22:00.004-05:00

I am taking the "Rockin Photoshop 2008" class with Jessica Sprague - this is my first lesson.

All of the designs belong to Jessica; the brush stamp is by Jakandara by Elbereth de Linocour and the stars are from ABR Dirtroad from Scrap Girls November Club collection.

Let me know what you think!

Parakeet got a home

2008-06-18T11:30:00.004-05:00

I didn't know what to do with the little parakeet that I was keeping. Last night I took a chance and took him over to a pet shop and they took him. I really didn't want to just let him go - I think he had calmed down quite a bit and was starting to feel more at home - but in my bathtub! ha
He will be happier where he is now, I am sure.

We had another storm last night..... will it never end?

On the 27th I will be heading to KC for a crop with friends. I am so excited. I haven't cropped in a long, long time it seems. I need the time away and the relaxation of just chilling with the ladies.
We can wear our pj's all day if we want! AND NO BRAS.... yep! FREEDOM awaits!

I will yak more later! I am thinking of putting more scrap stuff on here. Might get more viewers that way. I am taking a Photoshop class right now with Jessica Sprauge and I am hoping to learn a lot from it! I will put my pages on here when done!

Lost little parakeets....

2008-06-16T10:52:00.001-05:00

Saturday I went out to get the dogs and seen Sparky coming from the corner of the yard with something in his mouth. It was yellow, green and small. I called him but he wouldn't come to me. So I went after him. He lay it down and it was a small parakeet - died. He had bitten it too hard holding it. Poor little guy.

I told Bob when I got home that afternoon and he said he had shooed a blue one out of the garage that had gone in when he opened the garage door. We couldn't find it anywhere. He said its wings were clipped so it couldn't fly away.
Well, I gave up on it thinking a cat had gotten it or whatever - as I couldn't find it yesterday either.

This morning I tried to get the dogs in and they were going nutts by the fence. I went out there and seen a little blue and white bird on the other side of the fence. I had to pick Buster up and took the dogs into the house. If Buster had been big I would not have gotten him in, he was in a tizzy wanting that bird.

I went out the front door and got the little guy. He was not happy, he bit the far out of me. When I got him into my bathroom - (I had went in and put a puddle pad in the tub.) I was bleeding like crazy. He was so scared. He is tough, he rode out the hail and storms last night.

I washed the salt off some sunflower seeds (that is all I had for food) and put some water in there. Since he can't fly he can't get out. He looks a little "worse" for wear - short a few tail feathers etc.

He watched me get ready for work and I talked to him. I will have to try and find out who he belongs too. He has a red band around his leg. He couldn't have came too far away from home. But his "brother" didn't quite make it.

Bob would have left him out there, I have always had a heart for the poor little animals - I can't just leave them for "nature" to take its course. I am not made that way....

Storms and more coming

2008-06-13T07:31:00.001-05:00

Some night. For 3 weeks now we have had storm after storm, tornadoes everywhere. Thunder/lightening. Last night was no exception. Our family spent the evening in the basement because of two tornadoes sighting that were South of us heading our way.

The lights went off and on a few times, we had so satellite for TV to even watch the storm, we listened to the little sports battery operated radio (remember those? lol) I have for such events. Bob and Jennifer had the weather channel on their cell phones watching the storms as they came over, redeveloped and came over again.

It rained and lightened and thundered ALL NIGHT LONG - this thunder was the kind that shakes not only the house but your insides with it.

And according to the weather man, we have another week of it coming. Oh joy!

I am in jeans today, I am tired, I am cranky - no one at work better say a thing about it either! lol I think everyone is sleep deprived - it is rather quiet in here this morning and it is usually NOT that way.

Lights and Glitter of Vegas

2008-06-11T11:35:00.003-05:00

My daughter went to Vegas last weekend, isn't the photo pretty? Yet, when I look at it I am reminded of something my old pastor used to say; "The road to hell is wide and easy. The road to heaven is narrow and hard."

You look at the photo and it is beautiful, but the sins of the city are hidden by the glow of the lights. People being robbed, porn being sold right on the street, gambling going on and drinking all over the place.

Now don't get me wrong - I am not so naive that I wouldn't want to go see the beautiful fountains and lights, and maybe put a few quarters in the slot machines. But yet, I think of all the wrong that goes on in a place like this. They make their money on peoples addictions. On the lust of the flesh and the sickness of those wanting to see the porn then do something with the images they seen.

Gives you something to think about. huh?

Patience is learned

2008-04-29T19:28:00.002-05:00

The last few weeks I have been working with new software, software companies, engineers, mechanics, managers, co-workers and a manual that refuses to be written because of all the afore mentioned.

New is not always good. New brings its own set of problems - especially if it is part of the old. Yet, the old is not allowed in the new. Confused yet? Welcome to my world of work. My company used to be another company, but now it is its own company. We have to let all of the "old" ways go - which means we have to make all new procedures, ways of doing things, standards etc. They have to be "changed" somewhat so that they can become "new" without breaking the law.

The manual I have been writing is the first one about a component that has been build FREE of all the old "ways". Therefore we are finding how short we fall on the things needed to write the manual. My "party" is not over yet. My client is located in another country and he is having to deal with the fact that my first "product" to him will not be delivered as promised - on time.

Being the perfectionist I am this has been extremely hard on me. When I promise something I do my best to make sure it is done - on time, and at a cost that is affordable and not over what was bid.

I still have two days - who knows - maybe a miracle will happen.

King Kong

2008-04-12T21:34:00.003-05:00

My grandson and daughter are watching King Kong right now. They are laughing to keep from getting to scared about all the giant bugs, spiders, and monsters on the show. They are even pausing the show so it can be fast forwarded through the bad parts.

We are burning a log in the fireplace right now. Although it has been Spring for a few days now, it is so cold and been raining. Not very warm. Signs of Spring are around though, some flowers, trees in bloom, grass has already had to be mowed three times.

I worked today for about five hours, didn't get much accomplished. You know how you want to go to work and have a really productive day. You want to just have it all "come together" when you are working on a project. It just didn't happen today. It is so frustrating. I have this one project that I have been working on since January and I still haven't gotten it to come together like it should. Therefore I can't submit it to the client. So I again will continue to get it to work. I don't know why it "alludes" me so.

It is hard for me to accept the fact that I can't get a "hold" on something. I have a problem with sometimes getting so confused with a massive project. Yet, it makes me so angry when I can't do it.

Well, back to work.

Buster - my baby

2008-04-12T21:29:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged . . . by Ro

2008-04-05T10:04:00.003-05:00

I've been tagged, which means (apparently) that I must answer some questions and then tag four more bloggers to answer questions.

Here are my questions. I'll go out and find my four victims (oops) blogging tagging friends (victims) as soon as I can.

Four jobs I have held.
1. At present I am a technical writer/illustrator for a large aircraft company.
2. 39 years ago I worked in a nursing home
3. After having my twins, yikes 30 yrs ago - I had my own house cleaning business.
4. I have worked for the post office 3 different times in 3 different positions.
AND a lot more....

Four movies I could watch over and over.
1. Pretty Woman
2. Somethings Gotta Give
3. Under the Tuscan Sun
4. Oh, there are so many.... ahhhh Top Gun (because service guys are HOT, that is why I married one.)

Four places I have lived.
1. Born in Missouri (Monett)
2. Kansas (Wichita)
3. California (San Gabriel)
4. Oklahoma (Norman, Moore and OKC)

Four TV shows I like:
I DVR so many but rarely get to watch all of them, favorites?
1. Greys Anatomy
2. Ghost Whisper
3. Medium
4. CSI Miami

Four people that email me regularly:
1. Jeni
2. Doni
3. Cec
4. Debbie

6. Four favorite foods:
1. Mexican resturants
2. Italian resturants
3. Panara Bread (Sunday mornings!)
4. Knollas Pizza (delivery, of course)

7. Four places that I'd rather be:
1. At a scrapbooking crop weekend
2. On a Cruise
3. Taking a nap without being disturbed by my Yorkie
4. At the Reef Resort in Progreso Mexico

8. Four people I'm tagging:
TBD, Haven't figured that out yet.

I seen old friends today

2008-03-29T22:45:00.002-05:00

I attended a funeral today. It was for the father of some old friends.

Looking at the photo above from left to right you will see: Me, Barb, Judy, and Trish. Barb is the younger sister of Wayne, whom Judy and I graduated with. Trish is my cousin, she and Barb are the same age, a year younger then us. Yet, we all grew up in the same church, and were constant friends for many years.

It was Wayne and Barb (and Larry's) father that had passed, how sad that they lost their mom just 18 months ago. Wayne also lost a son within the last two years.

Barb has always been Barb, she made a career out of the military service and now colors her hair pink if she so desires. Judy's husband is a minister and they have their own church here in our home town. Trish is retired and quilts for other people on a long arm quilting machine. I am still working in the aircraft industry.

How far our paths have separated. I don't even know how many children Barb has. I know she has been with her husband for a long time, so that is a good thing. I hope that means she is happy.

That is what we want, we want the kids we grew up with to be happy. Recently I have been in contact with two other friends. One is Terry, we lived in the same mobile home park when we were in elementry school and graduated high school together.

Then out of the blue I got a phone call from Bart, he was in the Air Force with my husband. We lost contact (after his divorce) when we all lived in CA. Bart has remarried and is happy, still in CA.

I am sure some of you think about old friends. I was lucky that I went to one grade school, one junior high and one high school. So I had many friends for a long period of time. This year is my 40th high school reunion. It does not seem possible for that to be true, but it is. When I see my friends, they have gotten older, rounder, greyer and more wrinkled. At least I haven't done that! lol

Do you have old friends that you wonder about? Google them or use the internet to try and search for them. Go to classmates.com and look them up. It might surprise you that they have been looking for you too.

Italian Bracelets

2008-03-16T19:52:00.004-05:00

As I dressed this morning I reached into my jewelry box for my Italian bracelet.
I have two of them - and as I reached for one I stopped for a second and looked at it.
I wear one of the two each day - but why?
When I examined each little square on it I remember why.

The one I have on today is my Family bracelet.
The squares each mean something.

I have on it:
A sapphare birth stone - it is MY birth stone, but also my twins.
To the right: I (heart) my twins
Next: Jeremy (My sons name)
Next: Navy (He served in Desert Storm on the USS Stennis Aircraft carrier as a plane captain)
The to right of Navy I have: A birthstone for Feb. (Amethist) Wendys birthstone
To the right of that: Wendy (the name of my daughter we lost)

To the left of that stone I have:
South High Titans (the HS they both graduated from in 1996)
Next: Jennifer (My daughter)
Left of her: Brenton - my grandson, Jennifers son
Left of Brenton: His birthstone for August (it is green)

Left of the a GOLD B (both for Brenton and BOB my hubby)
Left: I (heart) my (mailbox) man
Left: USPS
Left: His birthstone for November (Topaz)
Left: Air Force (my husband was in service during Viet Nam)
Left: US Mail (the the eagle emblem)

I also have three squares the say what I am interested in:
(scissors) Scrapbooking
I (heart) Stamping
and the last one: Bunco Babe

Each square means something special to me and I wear them with honor that I have my children and husband in my life.

Our 39th Anniv Dinner

2008-03-14T08:25:00.001-05:00

We went to a new Italian resturant here in town called "Bella Donna".

There was live music; guitar and some kind of horn. It added atmosphere.
We ask to be sitted in an area of a waiter that is a friend of a co-workers.

He is a "model" and a waiter. She thinks he is "georgous". Bob said he looked like a Faubio - ha ha

He was very handsome and has long hair pulled back in a pony tail. He was an extremely good waiter. He explained in detail what everything was and made suggestions etc.

The food was good. It was made more "special" then food like Olive Garden, they put more of a Tuscan influence in it and he said they used recipes from all different regions of Italy.

We started our meal with three different kinds of bread and a garlic butter with roasted garlic cloves to smash and spread on your bread also. The butter and roasted garlic cloves was set in a bed of olive oil. Fancy....

We had homemade "honey rociatta cheesecake" topped with sliced strawberries for dessert.

Of course, since I am such a light eater - my dinner consisted of a salad, one meatball and some bread with a few small bites of cheesecake. But I got to taste it all.

Very good - I give it a TWO THUMBS UP.

What is a blog?

2008-03-07T08:26:00.001-06:00

What exactly is a BLOG?

Merriam-Webster Dictionary says:
a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer.

To me a blog is about what is going on in MY head, my life and those around me. If you are not included in my blog – don’t feel bad – it is just that you are not around for me to blog about. (Sometimes that can be a very good thing.)

My random thoughts of life are reflected in my blogs, my deep (or not so deep) thoughts are also expressed in my blogs.

When I have a good day, I write about it. When my day sucks, I write about it. People who read my blog have a connection with me. Either by acquaintance, past acquaintance or just because they need to know that others lives are as boring as mine.

I have several blogs I read – some I don’t even know, others are because we share ideas or our lives have crossed – only because we share the same hobby or talent. I have never met them, yet I feel a connection with them.

My blog is random – it is there for a laugh, or maybe you will get something out of it. Maybe you will learn something you didn’t know.

But whatever you get out of my blog – please don’t feel left out of my life because you are not IN it. But most of all, I hope you enjoy it.

March 4th 2008

2008-03-04T07:55:00.003-06:00

Last night I couldn't sleep for coughing - so I eventually got up for a few hours.

My little dog faithfully wakes me up every morning, however, he was up with me last night. I woke an hour later then usual this morning and the little dog? He faithfully lay by my side and slept with me.

All he wants is my love, food and to play. How simple the life of a little dog is. Go outside and run after a rabbit or too, play with the other dog that has come to live with us. Or simply to lay on my lap.

He feels my love for him, he knows I will take care of him and love him. My actions will protect him from evil or harm. I will discipline him when needed, yet show him my love afterward.

If my love for this little six pound dog is so great - can you imagine how much greater the love of God is for us? He knows our every thought, our every action and watches with the loving eyes that only he can do. He is there to help us, if we will listen.

When me stumble and fall he watches and will only help if we want him too. He loves so much he allows us to make our own choices and decisions. They sometimes sadden him that we chose not to follow his way, yet he waits. He will never push us in his direction, but he will speak to us in a small still voice - if we are open to listen.

Are you open to that small still voice? Do you listen to see if he has something to say to you? If not, you need to return to the Father and ask him to forgive you for walking away from him. Like I said, he will NOT ever leave you, but you can walk away from him. He is there waiting, waiting for you to return to him arms.

The comforts of this world

2008-02-23T20:45:00.003-06:00

Do you ever wonder what YOUR purpose of being on planet earth is? If you have ever watched Discovery Channel and they show how we look like a tiny speck on the planet - if you can even SEE our nano speck!

Life is very fragile, we all strive to be loved and cared for or want to care for others. The basic instinct of survival is so a part of us we don't even think about it. You read of people who stop when they see a house on fire to try and save anyone still inside, or they pull people from burning cars.

There are many heros in this world we live in. Many go unnoticed, they don't want the glory for what they do. They just do it. My father is one of them. He is a WWII Veteran, he still carries the metal piece in his back and the scars on his legs from the battle's he was in. He even returned to his ship once to find it gone, only later to find out it had been sunk. He had already been reported to his mom as MIA and possibly dead. It took two weeks before he was able to contact anyone to let them know he was still alive.

Right now we have thousands of HEROES among us, they are all called Veterans. They could be from any war - old, or young. Many are carrying their injuries - mental or physical inside where they can't be seen. They don't talk about what they seen or done over there.

I had a friend return from the Viet Nam War - to a young bride that he had just married before going over.

One day he was sitting in the middle of a log eating his food out of a leaf, he got up to do something and a mortar hit the log and killed his friends that were still sitting on the log.

His new wife wanted to make things better for him but didn't know how. They ended up getting a divorce. He was not the same man she married and sent off to war. She didn't know how to make it better. He couldn't adapt to the old way of life.

Before you go to bed tonight, say a prayer for a soldier, they depend on us to hold them up.
They are fighting now for what we believe in - the freedoms we hold dear. I know I appreciate what they do and I thank them for it. I am sure you do too.

Wow

2008-02-18T11:49:00.000-06:00

February is half gone, can you believe it?
Where did January go?
It seems the older you get the faster time flies.

Yet, how many times do we sit at our desk on a weekday and wish the time away?
I know I do. Weekends just don't come fast enough for me.

I find myself racing/wishing for retirement, but do I really know what that means?
I don't want to grow older - I just don't want to work so that I can enjoy things .

I want time to:
Enjoy with my grandson (before he grows too old and doesn't think I am "IT" anymore).
I want to read all the books I have collected (to read SOME DAY).
I want to scrapbook all the photos I love so much and get them into albums for others to enjoy.
Travel is in there too, I want to see so many places that I have not seen.
Take a day, early in the morning to go downtown and shot photos of things I love.
Take my dog to the park and let him sniff all the wonderful smells that only he knows are there.
Go to smaller towns in Kansas and look at shops and places that are close but too far to go to in one day.

Is this my "bucket list"? I think not, I think these are things that I just want to do and share with my husband - before it is too late for one of us to not go or do them.

I want to take my mom with me to the smaller towns, that is something she would enjoy.
I want to take my dad to a jazz get together so he can hear all the old songs he loves.

Do you have thoughts such as this? If so, share them! Let me know what they are.

Feb. 18 MY Valentines Day

2008-02-12T15:31:00.000-06:00

Wow, Thursday is Valentines Day. I know, I know - it is a Hallmark Holiday, but hey, Russell Stover doesn't do too bad by it either.

I have made plans for my hubby, he doesn't know what they are either. He keeps trying to ask and get a hint, but I won't say. I hope he likes it.

The ground hog seen his shadow so we have six more weeks of winter - did you ever stop to think that it doesn't matter if he sees it or not - winter still doesn't end for six more weeks?
duh!!!!

We had snow this morning and may have more on Thursday - that is what our winter has been like in Kansas this year. A few days of clear weather, then bad weather. It just keeps repeating itself.

Feb 18th will be the anniversary of the day I gave birth to and lost my baby daughter, Wendy Renee. She would have been 32 years old this year. Boy, it does not seem possible that it has been that long since I went through that life changing trama.

At the time I was put to sleep for her delivery - and to make a rather long story short I died during the delivery. I "hovered" above the table and watched everything and heard everything that went on. {This was proven to me later when I talked to my doctor at my six week check up. Things I ask him and told him he said was ONLY said during the time they were delivery the baby and I was out. When ask if I died, he said, "Yes. We did lose you for a little while."} He said it was not unusual as he had heard other patients have experiences sort of like what I had.

When I "died", I was holding the hand of whom I want to believe was Jesus. The light around him was a bright bluish and very, very bright white. I never seen a face, but I heard the most beautiful, tender voice. What was said isn't important to you, but it sure was to me ~ and is the reason I am still here today.

Feb 18 comes every year and I start getting emotional around this time and until I remember and realize the reason for it - it bothers me. Then I think about what happened, and yes it is a very sad experience - but it is also a glorious experience that makes ME know for sure that there is life after this life and there is a supreme being (Jesus) that loves me and is watching over me.

I just thought I would share with you the meaning of my Valentines Day with you - although my day is really the 18th - the day God shone his love on me - I chose to share with those around me the love I feel for them on Valentines Day. The red heart is the heart of Jesus who died for us and loves us, because of his red blood I am clean and will see him again - someday - when it is my time.

PAY IT FORWARD for February

2008-02-01T11:33:00.000-06:00

Here it is the first day of February. What a beautiful day it is too. It was 9° when I came into work this morning. brrrrr With five inches of snow and ice on the road. The evergreens looked beautiful and the snow on the fields was great!

As I listened to the radio on the way in this morning they are starting the Childrens Miracle Network Drive. The little boy they were talking too was twelve and has cancer. He sounded more like a 20 year old. These little kids live through so much in their quest to get better.

This young man was ask: "Did you ever questions God as to why you have cancer?"
He said: "NO, why would I? God knows what he is doing. When I die and go to heaven to be with him he will then tell me why. It is for a reason, a reason I don't need to know now."

I thought, if only some adults had the wisdom of that child. We groan and moan when things don't go our way. We question "why" when it is not for us to know.

We as Americans need to look around us, with news from all over the world being brought into our homes every evening we can see how bad others have it. We have a home, clothes and food to eat. Most of us have our health.

We ALL have the privilage to serve God and learn about him. Yet, some don't.

In this month of February - the LOVE month. Do something you may not have done before. PAY IT FORWARD. What is that?

Do something nice for someone else. Do it without expecting a favor in return. When they ask why, just tell them to PAY IT FORWARD. It could be paying for a friends lunch, or helping a neighbor with something. When you see a need, just do it. YOU will feel good about it.

All about ME

2008-01-27T19:10:00.000-06:00

Please don't think I am become a "snob" or something. At my digi scrapbook classes we are doing a book that is "All About ME". We are to put in it things that say who we are. Like the things we hold special, the things we drink, or do or see or have. Just things that say - Hey, this is ME..... it is really kind of neat.

People who scrapbook are usually the ones BEHIND the camera and we scrap our families, our friends, our vacations but don't take the time to say - hey, wait a moment. My kids aren't going to know much about me if I don't tell them. So that is what it is about.

Kind of cool - huh? So see my new pages posted to the right side of this page. I won't bore you with all of them, but these are kind of cool.

The BUCKET LIST

2008-01-20T21:49:00.000-06:00

The Bucket List - is a movie I went and seen today. In the movie two men who have never met before end up in the same hospital room with the same news. They are going to die. They write a "bucket list" a list of things they want to do before they "kick the bucket. This is a wonderfully touching movie to watch. It also got me thinking:

Have you ever really thought what you would do if the doctor gave you the final time period of your life? He walks in and says: "We are sorry but there is nothing else we can do. You have 6 months to live, one year if you are lucky."

You could spend the rest of your days going for second opinions, you could try going to other clinics, try different mediations. Or you could go home and try to enjoy your family with the time you have left.

I have had two friends that both took the first path - they spent all the time they had left in pain, sick, tired and in hospitals.

Once we are given the news, we have to make that choice. We have to decide what we want to do. Yes, you will be told by your family to "not give up", "think of us" and all those wonderful and true words. Yet, if you are my age, you have already done that.

I have raised my family, I have been a good and faithful companion and wife to my husband for 38 years. Do I really "owe" them to be sick, fight, be in hospitals? Or do I owe them the best I can give them and enjoy what time I have left?

We never know what decison we will make until we are given that opinion. We can only do what we feel is best for us and our loved ones.

My prayer is that when my time comes, it will be fast and quick. I don't want my family to have to endure trying to be supportive of me when I am going down to nothing and knowing the end result.

My love for my family is shown each and everyday. I want them to remember that when my time comes. I know where my soul is going, I only pray that they will follow and we can enjoy eternity together.

Went to doctor today....

2008-01-15T11:29:00.000-06:00

I am doing good. I had lots of fluid extracted from a very tender area, thought I was going to pass out. I held the full syringe for her as she went to get another one and I dropped it! I really think I almost passed out as I do NOT remember releasing it. When it hit the floor I like snapped out of it.

I am still light headed and in some discomfort from it. Didn't go to work. They will just have to get along without me for a bit.

I get to wear my beautiful girdle for two more weeks now. It goes from mid calf to waist... ha ha

She also explained that the burning I had on my skin was from the hot fluid (some kind of chemical) they put in to break down the fat that they later lipo and suck out. She said my system was hyper sensitive to it. DUH!!! You think?

Plus I forgot to tell them about one medication I have an allergy too, so I got to scratch for 3 days with all the itching it caused.

This has been a FUN trip - not one I will forget.

2008-01-13T20:07:00.000-06:00

I wanted to share this with you - Me and my Dad. Isn't he cute?

January 2008

2008-01-13T19:50:00.000-06:00

Wow, it is hard to believe but I am back to work. I will start going for eight hours a day this week. I hope I do it with no problems.

I am healing really well, I return to the Doctor on Tuesday. Next Wednesday will be my FOUR WEEKs, can you believe it?

Sadly my cousin, Donnie, lost his wife on Friday. He simply came home from work to find her dead in their bed. They had kissed goodbye that morning and she told him she would see him "tonight". They don't know what caused it yet. I pray for him that the transition will go as well as can be expected. Your prayers are requested too. Judy was in her late 40's.

My grandson is on the honor roll this semester. I am proud of him. He is such a good kid and tries so hard.

New Scrapbook page

2008-01-04T12:22:00.001-06:00

Digital Scrapbooking is my new hobby - here are a couple I like:

And another:

One more?

Jedi Starfighter

2008-01-04T11:59:00.000-06:00

For Christmas Brenton got the Star Wars "Jedi Starfighter with Hyperdrive Booster Ring" from his Uncle Jeremy. It contained 575 LEGO pieces. WOW, I looked at the instructions and it was quite intense to say the least. The ring had so many parts and had to be put together EXACTLY right or it would not hold together.

Brenton got started on it last night and he finished it - with NO help. I am so excited for him. the age group was 9 - 12 but still, like I said it was complex.

Had to brag on him a bit - after all, he is my grandson! Right?

Here it is - the final result of his hard work:

Sunday - the SUN is shining

2007-12-30T11:54:00.000-06:00

Another beautiful day - lots of snow still on the ground but the Sun is shining so that means we will be melting some of it off. That is good.

We went to Brentons Basketball games - right before my surgery - this is one of the :OPPS plays:

Here is Brenton looking up at the stuck ball with the rest of the team.

Of course, the ref got it down and they continued to play. It is always fun to go watch a game with him playing. Soccer, basketball, karate - I don't care, I just love my grand son and like to see him have fun.

Today is a lazy kind of day. I am still recupperating from surgery. Getting stronger each day, but not feeling on top of it today. That is okay, tomorrow will be better. Getting a little laundry done today, everything I can wear is dirty. I am still quite swollen and nothing fits. It will get better.

Take care and have a good day.

Plastic Surgery for wimps????

2007-12-28T16:52:00.000-06:00

Once I had gastric-by-pass surgery in 2004 I thought - hey, I will lose my weight and be healthy and happy. Well, they tell you that you are going to have all this "extra" skin hanging around that with my "age" will not shrink back up and go away.

"Hey, no problem, I can deal with that." You say. Okay, then about 3 years after your surgery you still can't wear clothes you want because you have this "massive" roll of extra "you" hanging around your middle. Okay, then I will have a tummy tuck you say - okay. That shouldn't be a problem. I will do it on my holiday break from work. That will give me three weeks to get all better and return to work.

Then you think - "if I have the tummy tuck" I will have these "saddle bags" hanging on my hips and they are going to look awful. So, back to the surgeon you go and she suggest "lipo" to remove these areas you so dislike. Not a problem.

December 19th, I had surgery - I checked in at 11:30 AM. I had 4 hours, yes FOUR HOURS, of cutting, removing stuff, redoing the muscles structure to "pre-pregancy days", then lipo.
I was dressed and escorted from the surgery center at 6 PM - THAT SAME DAY.

Okay, first indication - when I stood up - the nurse, myself and Jeni were standing in a LARGE pool of ME that leaked out from somewhere. The nurse isn't sure where or what to do. She is the only one there by now. No doctor to call. Okay - let's stuff some gauze up there and put pressure on it and stop the out pouring.

My poor husband is outside in the car waiting on us. He has no idea of what is happening inside.
They park me into the car (with extreme pain going on) and take me home.

I remember telling the nurse I was afraid of getting blood on my white carpet - yep you guessed it - I left blood from the back door to the bed. Jeni had to use the little green machine to clean that up. The first of many "cleanings" that mom would impose on them for the next few days. (That thing would not stop leaking.)

You want to know what is really crazy about all of this? That this major of a surgery was not done in a hospital setting where I could be kept overnight and watched. In fact, I really needed a hospital for a few days. Then again, as expensive as the surgery was, I would not have had it done had I had to pay for a hospital too. That would have sent the price way up there. This was ALL CASH baby! Insurance does not pay for Cosmetic Surgery.

It has now been TEN DAYS and I am so proud of my tummy tuck - I am FLAT as a board. It is beautiful. As for the LIPO - what the "$%^" was I thinking? THAT HURT, I am so bruised - like someone beat the crap out of me over and over again. It will take a total of six months for the total results to be in, but as of right now. TUMMY TUCK A++++ LIPO - jury is still out on that one.

My hubby was my hero on this - but of course, he has informed me that this is it - one more surgery and he will divorce me. He has been my nurse, my helper and my friend through so much. I couldn't have a sweeter, more loving hubby. (And of course he told me to write that. lol)

Jeni was a godsend, she helped me with dressings that dad couldn't handle. She will be a good surgical tech when she finishes school.

First Snow of the year

2007-12-15T20:44:00.000-06:00

We woke this morning to snow - it was so pretty - big flakes falling and covering the ground. We had expected to get between 5 to 9 inches, but we only got about 3 or 4. Not bad.

Brenton really enjoyed playing in it this afternoon. He and his mom made snow angels, threw snow balls and took photos.

Today we had lunch with mom and Trish (me, Jeni and Brenton) at Olive Garden. This was our Christmas lunch, as Wednesday is my surgery. I won't be going anywhere for awhile after that.

Did I say that I will have 4 hours of surgery, then go home within and hour or two; with Bob to be my nurse? How scary is that? Not with Bob being my nurse, but going home after such major surgery. I thought I would stay in the hospital overnight, but nope. They cut, sew and send them home anymore.

Imagine having all the skin from your pelvic to your breast bone cut from the muscles then the muscles in your six pack and stomach area cut and pulled back into place and stitched together, then have all the skin cut off as it is stretched very tight and sewn from hip to hip. Then let them lipo you in the thighs and hips - leaving in drains ...... okay - I think you get the idea. THEN go home.... that is what I am talking about.... aughhhhhh

Like I said, Do I know how to spend my Christmas holiday or what? ha ha

Your prayers and thoughts would be appreciated on Wednesday and the week or so following for a quick recovery.

Grace - me? Heck no...

2007-12-08T23:46:00.000-06:00

Well, I guess Winter is here with a vengance and there is nothing we can do about it.

I HAD to go to WM today to get food - who knows - Living in Kansas we could get snowed or iced in for several days and we need food right? I had to (of course) buy a bunch of "stuff" that didn't need to be cooked - because if the power goes out - my electric stove doesn't do much to help with cooking.

Or the microwave, what about coffee (?), okay now that is just scary - I can eat nuts and chips, but I HAVE to have my coffee or someone might get hurt! You know? It is kind of like not having chocolate in the house when I am under a lot of stress - you BETTER have some chocolate hid somewhere that you can get to me in a hurry.

Okay, so I am kidding - (kind of?).... I did go to the store today, then had to stop by Dillons gas service area to get ice melt - because it has been drizzling rain all day and the temp was only 29 degrees. As I was going to pay for it - I turned into one of those cartoon characters that you see on ice - you know kind of like Bambi? My legs were doing a dance (every direction but right) and I went down.

I was grabbing for anything within reach to help catch myself - and I turned - only to hit the side of my jaw on a huge post made to stop cars from slamming into the building. Instead I slammed into the stupid post. Ouch! I came out of it with a few bruises and sore shoulder etc. and a huge headache. I will, however, live...

For some reason I seem to be the one that tries to be careful and yet I manage to body slam into I-beams while going down the stairs at work. I fall up stairs. I jam my leg into my knee just by trying to take the trash out. What can I say, God forgot to put "grace" into my makeup when he assembled me.

Random Thoughts

2007-12-05T10:05:00.000-06:00

I attended my last digi scrapbook class last night. I am sad to see it end. I have learned so much from it, the teacher was not an expert but she studied very hard and learned the things needed to teach us. Now I am excited to continue playing and learning more. I met a lot of nice ladies there. I hope to continue attending classes and crops at Scrap*fun*attic in Andover.

Wow, I have 14 days until my surgery. Kind of scary. As I went into the office last night to pay for it (cash up front) I was not sure which hurt most - the surgery or paying for it. I had to save a long time to get that money. Insurance doesn't pay for this kind of surgery.

Thinking about what I am having done and the fact that I don't HAVE to have it done really makes you think about the risk of undering going such a procedure. I have talked to several people and have heard nothing but good about the place where I will be going. So.....

Thursday evening mom and I are going shopping. I ask Jen to go with us and I believe she will unless she has to study. It is finals time again. She is doing really well in her classes. Now she has to go see what she should take next. Since she didn't get accepted into the nursing program for this semester she will continue to take classes and prepare for hopefully the next time the nursing group starts.

Better get back to work (as you can tell my mind is NOT on work today). I will be so glad when this part of my job is done. I am so OVER it it I wish it were over... ha

Brothers of a different breed

2007-12-03T19:51:00.000-06:00

Life in our house has become rather loud lately. Since we lost Brandy a few weeks ago (or Lab), we have allowed Sparky, the Westie, to come and live in the house.

My little Yorkie; Buster, is not so sure he wants a brother living in the same house. Sharing his mom and dad. Or even begging food from HIS table.

The role of "head of the pack" has become a rather large goal to obtain of late. Be it a doorbell on the TV or a dog barking outside, any little thing can set them off to barking and running from front bedroom window to the window by the front door.

Couple that with Buster trying to make Sparky his "lady" it isn't going too well. My daughter is yelling at Buster, I am yelling at the dogs, my grandson is talking (as always) and the TV is going. No wonder, my dear husband spends his time in his office. Yet, he is the one that wants the Westie in the house! Go figure! ha

Personally, I couldn't leave him outside either. He is cute, and a very good dog. He behaves well and is almost potty trained. He only goes on the puddle pad IF he has too. So, I guess for Christmas this year, Buster gets a new brother - like it or not.

Growing old BETTER

2007-11-28T08:27:00.000-06:00

We woke this morning to the howl of the wind - it was strong and loud. It made you want to just snuggle down into the covers and stay there. Not a pleasant day to get out and deliver mail or even go outside.

However, what seemed like a bad day to us humans was a good morning for Sparky and Buster - being a Westie and a Yorkie they are both rodent catchers. This morning was a good morning for rabbits in our back yard. They were on the hunt for a long time. Waiting patiently on the deck until a lone rabbit would come into the yard - then they were gone - the chase was on. They have yet to catch one. They seemed to chase them into the back neighbors "safe haven".

Oh well, so much for rabbits, I had to get ready for work.

At my computer class last night we had a lady that was NOT enjoying the Christmas music that was playing. None of us could believe that she did not like Christmas music. I mean WHO doesn't like Christmas music? Thanksgiving day until Christmas day is time for Christmas music. RIGHT? Poor soul.

It looks like we are on the count down now for Christmas, doesn't it? I have 20 days until everything I am going to do has to be done. All my shopping has to be done, all gift need to be wrapped, the tree and all decorations need to be put up. The house needs to be cleaned from top to bottom.

On December 19th I am going to undergo major surgery to remove all the extra "baggage" I have from weight loss. I am having a tummy tuck and lipo done on my thighs. Later I will need to go back and have my under arms done.

It was "sort" of mentioned at lunch last weekend that I was doing this because I did not "want to grow old" - hey, if that is what people think - more power to them. This is MY body, I have to live with it, dress it, take care of it. And I want to look good in my clothes. If they want to call that being vain then so be it.

It is NOT a midlife crisis, it is for my health that I lost the weight so that I could be healthy and live longer. Well, if I am going to live longer I am going to look good doing it. Right? lol

Now I feel better, even if no one else reads it. Until later!