Now I am retired....

I am now retired - one month and 4 days. I was sitting in my chair a moment ago trying to rest. Yet, my mind started it's usual wondering....

This is my view of resting: my two dogs always get on my lap or beside me.

As I sat there for a few moments I begin to think - now what am I going to do?
I am no longer "gainfully" employed, I have no one to tell me what my next job is. I am free to do whatever I desire. What will I do? (Besides breaking up fights of my two fur babies?)

I have always been the one doing something - working with graphic designs, writing technical manuals, learning new software programs. Working with clients who do work for my prior job and answering to those over me. I guess it is normal to feel a little "lost". We work all our lives for 8 hours a day with people, we get to know them, talk to them and then go home. Now I no longer have that 8 hour job to push me forward.

Yesterday I did take a step and attended a luncheon of the Wichita Professional Communicators. We were honored to hear Kim Nussbaum, president and publisher of the Wichita Eagle (photo below) speak. I made a new friend (Randi) and met others.

 

This was my first step of going outside of my "comfort zone". I will probably go another time before deciding if this is group will be something I will want to join and get involved with. As yet I haven't really seen "what they do".

 

I have also thought about joining a "book club", as I have read at least five books since retiring. I love to read and I love to write. I feel that it is extremely important to read, read, read and then write. Several ladies at the luncheon are Freelance Writer's. This is something I have also considered. Yet, finding the job of writing for someone else is not something I have done. As an employed person I wrote for sixteen years on technical manuals. I therefore have the organization and training to do this. Where do I find my nitch?

 

There are so many unanswered questions as to what my future will hold. I love photography but am not a professional. I have yet to learn how to get off "manual" and wonder into the field of aperture, ISO and f-stops. That is something I would like to do, yet need guidance as to how. Reading all the manuals does not "show" me how to do it; I have always been a "show me" person, then I "get it".

 

Going to watch my only grandson bowl has been something my husband and I have enjoyed doing since retirement. It is during the day and we would not have been able too before - yet that is only for two more weeks, then he is done for this year. (I must say he is doing really good.) He enjoys it and hopes to join a league after he is finished with his class at school.

 

One of the "things" I wanted to do was get my office cleaned up (again), but it hasn't changed much. I haven't found my passport yet (lost since my last trip to Germany in 2009), although I have really looked for it. How can a PINK case hide so well? It continues to elude me. 

 

I also have a lot of "unfinished projects" waiting to be attended too. Sewing, scrapbooking, jewelry making, selling things on ebay and cleaning out closets.

 

For now I am enjoying my days of relaxation, there is no HURRY to do everything at once - is there?  

 

 

 

HELP! MY PAPER IS BURYING ME……

My messy desk:

I seem to grow paper in my office. I clean it up and then the next time I come down – there it is again! What do I do to keep it clean? Okay, this is what I am doing to clean up this mess:

·         Separate the bills

o   If not marked paid – check bank acct to see if it was – if not PAY IT

o   If it is shown paid – shred it

·         I only keep my credit card statements – so I can see what I bought and when

·         Throw away ads that I won’t ever use

·         Put into a box the “vacation stuff” to use for scrapbooking

·         Put the “keeps” into a pile to scan into digital format

·         Also keep all pay stubs until you check your W2 at the end of the year

·         Shred items that have important information on them

·         File information that I will need to keep:

o   Items from work, retirement papers, etc.

o   Warranty booklets from new items bought

o   Car Insurance papers

o   Health Insurance items

o   New car service papers

·         Throw away a 2012 calendar that I never hung

OH – there’s my bill payment book – I wondered where it had gone!

Did you know that your pharmacy and medical provider have digital copies of all your charges for the whole year and you can go to their sites and print those off?

Yipe, so once paid – shred those too.

My CLEAN desk:

On another topic –

I have been doing more Ancestry research lately. One needs to be careful as you never know what you might find.

Did you know that if you were divorced in 1972 and didn’t remember to check on it that it could have gone through? Or if you moved and didn’t leave a forwarding address your Divorce Decree may not have made it to you?

What I am trying to say is: I was married from March 1969 to Nov of 1972 and then divorced in Los Angeles, CA. I have been living with my husband in a ‘common law’ marriage since 1972. We never knew we were divorced.

Yes, Common Law is recognized in Kansas as a binding contract. As long as you live together as husband and wife, buy stuff together (like a house), have children and I take his last name. So we are legal. Our kids are wanting us to go to Las Vegas and get married so they can go too. NOT.

Yes, I know – how could we NOT know. I signed the papers, Bob signed the papers. I took them to the court house in Los Angeles and filed them. I have always had that little voice in the back of my head telling me, “what if that went through?”  Surprise!!!

In the 1970’s in California they had a DISSOLUTION of marriage (quickie divorce), where if you did not have any assets, nor children, your marriage could be dissolved as though it never took place.

Hummmm, wonder how our lives would have been had we known. There would not be a set of twins, nor our grandson, or our new daughter-in-law. So I think it has turned out pretty good. Wouldn’t you say? After 43 years we have weathered all the storms life could bring us and are still together.

Did I tell you that Jeremy got married? I think I did but can't remember. Jeremy and Casey Most were united as husband and wife in our living room Dec 19th, 2011. We love Casey to pieces. She and Jer make a wonderful couple. They are going to renew their commentment to each other on October 6, 2012 in a formal wedding.

On another note - we just went through a F3 tornado here in Wichita a week ago, April 14th.

I was off work all last week because our company (Jer and I work there), Spirit Aero Systems, Inc. took a direct hit.

Things were pretty well torn up - all the roofs need replaced and lots of damage to buildings was bad. Here is the tornado that hit us:

It was a mile wide. A small community was pretty much destroyed but no lives were lost. I was trying to find a photo of our plant but they have kept it pretty much out of the newspaper. Here is one of our buildings.

Well that is about it for this time.... take care, be well and remember put Christ first before all things. All else will follow after.

Sandy

Random thoughts for a Spring Day

It seems I am having a time writing in my blog lately. There is no sane reason, I just haven’t gotten on. So today I am going to write about random stuff that has come up or happened this week.

Of course, our evenings are always full of Nicky and Buster and their comical stunts. We are allowing Nicky a little more freedom in the house now when we will be gone for a short time. The first time I left her un-kenneled, last Saturday, she looked at me like “wait a minute you forgot to lock me up”. She done fine while I was gone.

I seen a cartoon yesterday “Family Circus” that I adapted to Buster:

Picture Buster instead of the cat:

Randomly looking through some Facebook photos I found this one and got a chuckle out of it.

The guy is taking a photo but the subject is wanting to see what the guy is doing. Look at the end of the lens:

Of course, I have to worry about Bob, you know he is thinking about retiring and I don’t want any of the postal people finding him like this:

Resting Mailman:

There was a story in the paper about a mail lady in PA that had not delivered a LOT of her mail. They found first class, ads and magazines in three different locations. She was 77 yrs old and had worked there for 30 yrs. They fired her, so at 77 she doesn’t have a dime to live on. The Post Office doesn’t pay Social Security, so she won’t have any of that to draw either. How stupid is that?

So I am going to have to make sure he does his job until he actually does retire.

 

The first think I seen this morning on facebook in someone’s photos was this one and it fit today perfectly:

TGIF

And last but not least, a lot of you have heard me say that if God forbid, Bob goes first, that I will never marry again. I will find a nice gay guy to be my friend and we will get along fine. I think I found him - and his name is Michael.

This is Michael - read what he wrote - isn’t that perfect? Except I don't want cats.

If you can't see it - it says:

and welcome to my little space on the internet.

I own a little inn in a little town with a little shoppe.

I like to cook and bake, I like to take pictures.

I want to be a designer when I grow up.

I listen to music and dance in my kitchen.

I'm learning to quilt. I have two cats, and I love life.

I sincerely hope you enjoy my story.

So until next time always put God first, Family second and anything else third.

Nicky

In May of last year we decided it was time for my husband to find a new four legged fur buddy. We had lost our Westie; Sparky to cancer several months earlier.


Sparky:

We went to Gupton's to see what they had. We were thinking that perhaps another Westie would be what we would get. Sparky was calm and all about playing and giving us love.
This is what we wanted. Not too much trouble, a calm, loving little dog.


We got Miss Nicky:

Problem is; little calm dogs become bigger puppies who bite, chew, bark, make messes.
Don't get me wrong she is cute. She is a Schzdoodletze which is a Schuzaer, poodle and maltez.  (Those aren't spelled correctly so that shows I can't spell.) She has curly hair on top of her head and her legs, her tail is curled like a maltez, it swings over her back. She is constantly trying to catch it - sometimes she does and it is so funny as she turns in a ball trying to figure out what she has.


She is funny, she couldn't figure out how to jump off the sofa so she would turn with her body sideways to the edge and would jump off sideways. She couldn't jump down paws first. She also has a habit of chewing up any and everything we give her. She tried to carry her little chew ring but couldn't figure out how - so this is how she carries it:

I don't know how she sees where she goes.


There is one problem - we also have a Yorkie, he is only 9 lbs and Nicky is now 20 lbs.
the Yorkie thinks she is his sex toy. The water bottle has become a good behavior training tool. How could Nicky be mean to this little guy?

She bites him all the time, will not let him alone. If they have a chew toy - they fight over each others. Seriously like toddlers - she wants his and he wants hers. If he has a blanket she has to have it. The fight is on. Just like tonight - Bob and I both have just stated they have worn us out.


Dogs are good for empty nester's, they make you get up and do stuff. Like feed them, break up fights, give them chew bones, let them outside. Like kids......  Then a miracle happens and you get a new grand-dog. 


This is Jack:

Jack is a Border Collie - he loves his ball and his shades. Nicky and he love to play - they run, and run and run.
Well, they are my four legged fur babies - they bring us joy, grief, pain, laughter and we wouldn't trade them for anything.

I lost a baby at 4 months, and then several other miscarriages happened. I didn’t think I was ever going to have a child. I went through surgery so that I could have one last chance to get pregnant, and I did. The pregnancy was normal and I carried full term, only to realize three days before she was delivered – she was gone.

She was stillborn on February 28th, 1976 I delivered an 8 lb baby girl, blue eyed, blonde -  Wendy Renee. I thought my life was at an end. Yet, God’s word keep coming to mind that he would “lift me on the wings of an eagle” until I could walk again. And he did.

By what the doctors called a miracle I again conceived and delivered twins. This pregnancy was a nightmare of wondering if I was going to have no baby, one baby or two babies. I had no idea if they would live or not. In 1977 NICU was increasing in their knowledge to help small babies, as they were born 7 weeks premature. They made it. Not without problems, Jen had total heart failure at 13 days old, at 18 months Jeremy had meningitis and Jen had another problem – but God healed them each time.

After delivering Wendy and going through 9 months of recovering and then becoming pregnant again the whirlwind of not knowing was a great deal of trauma for me.

My babies are now 34 years old. God got me through it. I am praying he will get me through this next part of my story; I am sure he will – HE NEVER FAILS. He promised to carry us at our weakest time and be by us through all things. As with Wendy, all I have to do is reach up and he will be reaching down to me.

Right now – it doesn’t seem that way.

I am usually the strong one in a crisis, I am usually able to get over it, get up and go on. Not this time. I don’t know how to make myself better.

In 2010 I went through two horrible family deaths; I was able to stay on top of it, help others get through it and be the “strong” one. However, after dad died I fell deep and I can’t get back on top.

I used to scrapbook, sew, go for walks, do photo-walk’s with a group of friends or just go take photo’s myself. I was on the computer a lot, now I hardly get on it except at work. I don’t want to do anything. My blogging days have long since passed. No one wants to hear about problems and sadness.

I am depressed, but on anti-depressants. I think maybe I need to get off the anti-depressants but then I think – what would I be like without them?

My sister’s death was horrible, unexpected and tragic. I was with her at the hospital soon after her accident. I helped her understand what had happened and let her make the decision to not do anything to preserve her life as it was going to be.

No one wants to live paralyzed, on a respirator the rest of her life. Women take care of their families, are active in church, go places with friends; not let them take care of them. Instead she decided to not live. She chose to have everything removed from her. We stayed with her until the end.

My father gave up that day, in fact, he collapsed when he walked into her room and seen her on the bed. He was already sick but after losing my sister he went downhill very fast. Mom and I took care of him and sat with him during his 15 hospice days at home and were there when he passed.

These were within seven months of each other in 2010. Now we are starting 2012 and I want my life back. Yet, I don’t know how.

I know they say grief takes time – but how long? Isn’t a year long enough?

I just pulled up an article about grieving and it said asking how long the grieving process will last is like ask how high is UP?

My body and my mind will know when it is time to come off this and let me start living again. I guess that makes sense. Grieving is a process that needs to be talked out – and when someone has lost not one but two of the most important people in your life, others don’t know what to say so they say nothing. Therefore, the grieving person is left alone with the process of trying to figure it out alone.

I have picked out a very bright star that I talk to, like I am talking to them. I am sure they can’t hear me, but I talk to them anyway. I tell Caroline how much I loved her and hated that we were never able to live closer to each other. I tell dad how sorry I am that I had to give him medication at the end that he did not want.

Dad was a carpenter and for over a year I was unable to make even the simplest decisions of how I wanted to redecorate my kitchen. How to pick out tile, how to have granite lain. My mind had closed, confused and the thought of doing anything without asking him first was just unconceivable. Until finally one day I was able to say this is the granite I want, this is what the back splash will be and we got it done. I think he would like it.

Life goes on day by day, one hour at a time, eventually I will be okay. God is with me and helps me get through those days. He helps me talk to mom and listen to her. She has never lived by herself in her life and this has been extremely hard on her.

I try to help her with decisions she needs to make, and I push things on her that I don’t mean too. In my mind for her own good. Sometimes I become the parent and she is the child. Yet, she is not; she is still capable of making her own decisions. I have to stand back and let her travel this same journey I am on – she has to grieve too.

I see her house falling apart and know how much money it is going to take to fix it up. She sees the home she raised my sister and I in; that she and dad lived in for over 40 years.

 It is her home, not a building, not something that she is ready to give up yet. She is going through drawers, closets and downsizing a little at a time. Just like me. She has to do it in her time, at her own pace. When she is ready she will know it.

So for now, she and I will continue to heal, slowly. We will know when things are better and we will feel better. Until then I will rely on God to keep us both in his arms and help us get through it.