My grandson just turned eleven. He is growing into a fine young man. Yet, I am waiting for the “shoe to drop” as they say.
When his mom; my daughter, turned eleven that was when the hormones kicked in – and boy did they kick it.
It was a constant roller coaster ride; everything involved drama, nothing was a small matter to her – it was the size of a mountain. No one had ever experienced the heartache, the embarrassment, the total humiliation or devastation she was going through. Therefore, no one understood her and we were all to blame for her problems.
When you give birth to your sweet little baby – they don’t give you a book of rules, or instructions with them, you are on your own. (I was however able to fool my twins with the “Mom’s book of rules” until they hit junior high.)
When they hit puberty you wonder what in the $^^$ has just happened. You want to give them back, run away from them, do whatever you can just to get away from them. But at this time they need you more then ever before. YOU are going to be the one to help them through it. That was what Dr James Dobson said – just get them through it to the other side – as safely as possible.
After much prayer and the fact that I would go to jail if I did her in, my husband and I decided the best way to handle things were one at a time. Let the situation decide the course of action. We learned to “pick our battles”, which was most important – the shirt she was wearing or staying out late? Going to a friend’s house for a while or staying all night with someone you don’t know?
I seriously considered putting her in her room and nailing the door shut for the next ten years. (This had entered our minds more than once.)
My husband didn’t help much, his take on things was – she is going to do what she wants anyway. HELLO? What continent was he raised on?
This brings in another whole problem with kids – marriage. You get two people – they meet, fall in love and get married. Then you find out – who is this person? Where in the world did he get his ideas from? You find out you don’t know this person.
How was he/she raised? How did they come by their habits? Who did what in their parent’s marriage? Did the mom discipline the kids or the dad? What methods were used? Was their substance abuse in the family? What kinds of issues did they bring into this new relationship? Coupled with your family and your upbringing – it is a wonder kids survive at all.
The bible talks about four generations of sin – the sins of the father etc. That would be the Grandfather, the Father, your children and then their children. That is four generations of habits, upbringing – trails and tribulation that has come to rest on the child’s shoulders.
Then throw in the school friends, church friends, neighbor kids that will influence your child. TV, games, computer/internet, books, shows - all of these things influence the way they think, reason and grow.
The example of the parents is a huge influence on child – what mom and dad SAY is one thing, but what they do is another. Divorce, separation, death – are things that influence them.
To be a parent of a child, a tween, teenager or young adult is a huge responsibility today.
However, if they don’t grow up to be what we want or if they really screw up their lives – what can you do?
I say blame it on the Great-grandfather. After all he raised the Grandfather who passed it on to the father who passed it on to you and you passed it on to your child. Right?
(Hummmm I wonder if this is why this generation never takes responsibility for what they do? You think?)
POST NOTE: My daughter read this and thought I was really angry - there was no anger in this writing. We all know we love our children unconditionally no matter what they put us through - they have to grow up and we grow up with them. She said she didn't feel I was angry with her, just angry. Nope, nadda, zip - no anger here. Just blogging my thoughts.
