Nicky

In May of last year we decided it was time for my husband to find a new four legged fur buddy. We had lost our Westie; Sparky to cancer several months earlier.


Sparky:

We went to Gupton's to see what they had. We were thinking that perhaps another Westie would be what we would get. Sparky was calm and all about playing and giving us love.
This is what we wanted. Not too much trouble, a calm, loving little dog.


We got Miss Nicky:

Problem is; little calm dogs become bigger puppies who bite, chew, bark, make messes.
Don't get me wrong she is cute. She is a Schzdoodletze which is a Schuzaer, poodle and maltez.  (Those aren't spelled correctly so that shows I can't spell.) She has curly hair on top of her head and her legs, her tail is curled like a maltez, it swings over her back. She is constantly trying to catch it - sometimes she does and it is so funny as she turns in a ball trying to figure out what she has.


She is funny, she couldn't figure out how to jump off the sofa so she would turn with her body sideways to the edge and would jump off sideways. She couldn't jump down paws first. She also has a habit of chewing up any and everything we give her. She tried to carry her little chew ring but couldn't figure out how - so this is how she carries it:

I don't know how she sees where she goes.


There is one problem - we also have a Yorkie, he is only 9 lbs and Nicky is now 20 lbs.
the Yorkie thinks she is his sex toy. The water bottle has become a good behavior training tool. How could Nicky be mean to this little guy?

She bites him all the time, will not let him alone. If they have a chew toy - they fight over each others. Seriously like toddlers - she wants his and he wants hers. If he has a blanket she has to have it. The fight is on. Just like tonight - Bob and I both have just stated they have worn us out.


Dogs are good for empty nester's, they make you get up and do stuff. Like feed them, break up fights, give them chew bones, let them outside. Like kids......  Then a miracle happens and you get a new grand-dog. 


This is Jack:

Jack is a Border Collie - he loves his ball and his shades. Nicky and he love to play - they run, and run and run.
Well, they are my four legged fur babies - they bring us joy, grief, pain, laughter and we wouldn't trade them for anything.

I lost a baby at 4 months, and then several other miscarriages happened. I didn’t think I was ever going to have a child. I went through surgery so that I could have one last chance to get pregnant, and I did. The pregnancy was normal and I carried full term, only to realize three days before she was delivered – she was gone.

She was stillborn on February 28th, 1976 I delivered an 8 lb baby girl, blue eyed, blonde -  Wendy Renee. I thought my life was at an end. Yet, God’s word keep coming to mind that he would “lift me on the wings of an eagle” until I could walk again. And he did.

By what the doctors called a miracle I again conceived and delivered twins. This pregnancy was a nightmare of wondering if I was going to have no baby, one baby or two babies. I had no idea if they would live or not. In 1977 NICU was increasing in their knowledge to help small babies, as they were born 7 weeks premature. They made it. Not without problems, Jen had total heart failure at 13 days old, at 18 months Jeremy had meningitis and Jen had another problem – but God healed them each time.

After delivering Wendy and going through 9 months of recovering and then becoming pregnant again the whirlwind of not knowing was a great deal of trauma for me.

My babies are now 34 years old. God got me through it. I am praying he will get me through this next part of my story; I am sure he will – HE NEVER FAILS. He promised to carry us at our weakest time and be by us through all things. As with Wendy, all I have to do is reach up and he will be reaching down to me.

Right now – it doesn’t seem that way.

I am usually the strong one in a crisis, I am usually able to get over it, get up and go on. Not this time. I don’t know how to make myself better.

In 2010 I went through two horrible family deaths; I was able to stay on top of it, help others get through it and be the “strong” one. However, after dad died I fell deep and I can’t get back on top.

I used to scrapbook, sew, go for walks, do photo-walk’s with a group of friends or just go take photo’s myself. I was on the computer a lot, now I hardly get on it except at work. I don’t want to do anything. My blogging days have long since passed. No one wants to hear about problems and sadness.

I am depressed, but on anti-depressants. I think maybe I need to get off the anti-depressants but then I think – what would I be like without them?

My sister’s death was horrible, unexpected and tragic. I was with her at the hospital soon after her accident. I helped her understand what had happened and let her make the decision to not do anything to preserve her life as it was going to be.

No one wants to live paralyzed, on a respirator the rest of her life. Women take care of their families, are active in church, go places with friends; not let them take care of them. Instead she decided to not live. She chose to have everything removed from her. We stayed with her until the end.

My father gave up that day, in fact, he collapsed when he walked into her room and seen her on the bed. He was already sick but after losing my sister he went downhill very fast. Mom and I took care of him and sat with him during his 15 hospice days at home and were there when he passed.

These were within seven months of each other in 2010. Now we are starting 2012 and I want my life back. Yet, I don’t know how.

I know they say grief takes time – but how long? Isn’t a year long enough?

I just pulled up an article about grieving and it said asking how long the grieving process will last is like ask how high is UP?

My body and my mind will know when it is time to come off this and let me start living again. I guess that makes sense. Grieving is a process that needs to be talked out – and when someone has lost not one but two of the most important people in your life, others don’t know what to say so they say nothing. Therefore, the grieving person is left alone with the process of trying to figure it out alone.

I have picked out a very bright star that I talk to, like I am talking to them. I am sure they can’t hear me, but I talk to them anyway. I tell Caroline how much I loved her and hated that we were never able to live closer to each other. I tell dad how sorry I am that I had to give him medication at the end that he did not want.

Dad was a carpenter and for over a year I was unable to make even the simplest decisions of how I wanted to redecorate my kitchen. How to pick out tile, how to have granite lain. My mind had closed, confused and the thought of doing anything without asking him first was just unconceivable. Until finally one day I was able to say this is the granite I want, this is what the back splash will be and we got it done. I think he would like it.

Life goes on day by day, one hour at a time, eventually I will be okay. God is with me and helps me get through those days. He helps me talk to mom and listen to her. She has never lived by herself in her life and this has been extremely hard on her.

I try to help her with decisions she needs to make, and I push things on her that I don’t mean too. In my mind for her own good. Sometimes I become the parent and she is the child. Yet, she is not; she is still capable of making her own decisions. I have to stand back and let her travel this same journey I am on – she has to grieve too.

I see her house falling apart and know how much money it is going to take to fix it up. She sees the home she raised my sister and I in; that she and dad lived in for over 40 years.

 It is her home, not a building, not something that she is ready to give up yet. She is going through drawers, closets and downsizing a little at a time. Just like me. She has to do it in her time, at her own pace. When she is ready she will know it.

So for now, she and I will continue to heal, slowly. We will know when things are better and we will feel better. Until then I will rely on God to keep us both in his arms and help us get through it.

Study finds fewer women are attending church

Study finds fewer women are attending church

I found this article in the Wichita Eagle of Saturday, Sept. 3rd; it was written by Helen T. Gray of the McClatchy News Papers of Kansas City.

The article had many interesting facts in it, some that have been in my thoughts for a long time now. Growing up I found that the women were the backbone of the church. The pastor was always a man, the directors, deacons and other “high position” jobs were men.

Ms. Gray went on to say: “Women have been the ones to organize the Vacation Bible School, the church rummage sale, the hospitality dimensions of congregations’ life, etc.” “(Today) “They simply do not have the energy to sustain these patterns while working full time, rearing children, etc.”

I totally agree with her.  The world has changed but the church has not evolved with it.

Personally I would enjoy a group of women who got together for bible study, book club; topical study or whatever was decided. Yet, it would have to be in the evenings when most women are doing laundry, fixing supper for their families, cleaning and shuffling their children to soccer, cheer camp or whatever activity they are in. So again that leaves the women trying to find time to go to them and join in.

Traditionally if a woman stops going to church then the husband and children don’t go. Thus the decline in attendance at most churches. Why would they want to go to church if all they were doing was being ask to babysit, teach, attend meetings (most of which are during weekdays while most women work).

As I recall the churches of Jesus day were gatherings in the home where they broke bread and let Jesus or the elders teach. Women of the Bible taught us a lot; like Esther or Ruth for instance. I believe that women can teach and have opinions and observations the same as men. It doesn’t have to always be ONE person who teaches while the others listen. We can learn from each other and discuss what the topic is. The bible is always right; this is a given in my life; yet sometimes it is through talking about it that the true interpretation comes out for others.

Personally I have found that I don’t have to attend church to feel that God is the “all-knowing, all-powerful and perfect Creator of the universe who still rules the world today” (Barnes study).

 As a young child I found and accepted Christ as my Savior and nothing has deterred me from that (except for a period of questioning all things in my teen years).

Most church services today are for about 2 hours at the most – one half hour being for singing or praising (usually standing up when that is the last thing I want to do that early); 15 to 30 minutes of communion, collecting the tithes and announcements. The pastor may speak for 30 to 45 minutes at the most.

Please don’t think I am against all church gatherings, they are very important to help teach people about Christ and help them learn who Christ is and to accept him as their Savior. That is what Jesus taught us to do. I just think the church needs to minister in different ways.

Anyway, I found the article interesting and thought you might also.

Here is the article, copy and paste into your header to read it.

 http://www.kansas.com/2011/09/03/2000348/study-finds-fewer-women-are-attending.html

God still performs Miracles

My sister’s best friend, Brenda, had an emergency hysterectomy in March.  It was VERY invasive and included reorganizing a lot of organs. Her bladder had connected to her fallopian tube and they had to cut and resection the bowl to the rectum. She had a lot of pain and problems after the surgery.

The biopsy reports came back as Endometrial Cancer which is an estrogen fed type cancer. They did not know going in that it was cancer and did not remove all her female organs. They wanted to go back in immediately and clean it all out. However, her son was getting ready to graduate high school and her daughter was getting married shortly. She refused to have the surgery until after the special events.

 The oncologist agreed she would wait until after the wedding but she had to be in the hospital for surgery on the following Monday after her daughter’s wedding.

The doctor tried vaginally to remove the uterus but it didn’t work so they did robotic surgery. They filled her abdomen with gas and basically moved the table so that she was standing on her head! They did 4 biopsies on her lymph nodes, took the ovaries and fallopian tubes and did an abdominal cavity flush.

She just got the results of the lab work yesterday and she is CANCER FREE. Praise the Lord he is still listening to our prayers and answering them.

Sometimes we forget that God is there to help us. We need to ask for what we need. I see a lot of shows that almost make a mockery of praying. But prayer is real. You talk to your spouse and your friends. Talk to God, he really listens and he does have time for you.

I don’t think my Mom and I could have made it through the year of losing both my sister in Feb 2010 and then my dad in September 2010 had it not been for him. He is my comfort and my light in time of heartache and trouble. He lifts me up on the wings of Angels when I cannot bare my burden alone.

I don’t “get down on my knees” to pray to him – I talk to him when driving to work, to a friend’s house or even sitting at my desk at work. I need HIS guidance in everything I do. Without him I am nothing, with him I can do all things.  I have seen too many Miracles that he has preformed to even think that there is not a supreme being that cares for each of us.

I ask him to come into my heart as a young girl and even thought I turned away from him for a period during my 18-20’s, He never left my side. That still small voice would talk to me and tell me he was there – waiting for me. I rededicated my life to Him and He is my life. All one has to do is believe that God sent his Son to died for our sins, tell Him you believe and ask him to come into your heart and guide your life.

He gives me peace that withstands all human understanding.

What is amazing to me is it is there for any and everyone to do. It is so simple that people just can’t believe it. I am glad I am one that does. I hope you do too, or will think about it, believe me it is worth it.

That isn’t to say I won’t have troubles or problems along the way. We live in a sin filled world. But the creator of the universe is ever present and there for you. He doesn’t always answer prayers the way WE want, because He knows the whole story and what is best for us.   Thanks for listening.  Just think about it.

Update on Casey's new home

Casey just wrote that she got her new house - YEAH !!!! I am so happy for her. They will be living in Park City pretty close to the Cracker Barrel. It will be an easy commute to her job and Jeremy's.

Jeremy will have a two car garage so he is happy about that. He can work on his cars at home now. The house is a two bedroom, one bath. But much better than an apartment! Nice kitchen, better than mine. lol

My kids are getting all settled so that makes me happy. Jen has been in her new apartment for a year now and loves it. It is in a beautiful area with water on two sides. They painted an "accent" wall for her when she renewed her lease. 


Well, that is my update.