These are scary times; more people are laid off jobs now then after 9/11/2001. All my life as things like this happen I have heard: "The coming of Christ must be soon." Yet, that was said in the bible days also. We wonder how long it will continue. It will continue and wax worse and worse - God is trying to bring his lambs back into his fold. My children need to come in, they know the way but I can't push them, they have to come of their own decision.
I haven't seen a lot of joy for a long time, nor have I felt it in myself.
I ask mom a few days ago if depression runs in our family - she said she couldn't think of anyone that has it. I will make a confession, in hopes that others see who I really am. I have been on anti-depression and anxiety medication for about two years now. My doctor just increased my dosage last week. It is hard to admit that I am this way, but it is reality.
Some people would say, why are you depressed? You are a Christian. Yes, I am a Christian. But why do some people have cancer and they are Christians? Why did my friend just die of cancer and he was a wonderful servant of God? Some questions go unanswered. Bad things happen to good people. Satan loves to torment Gods people, look at Job. Satan's pay day is coming then he will reap pain for all the pain he has caused.
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I try my best to live on the beauty that God has put in this world. That is why I do photography. I find beauty in things that others might think are ugly. I look for natural and man made beauty. It is there, we just have to slow down long enough to see it. That helps my emotional feelings.
I made a decision about a year ago -
- I don't go to movies where their are killings or anything bad like that. I go to romance or comedy movies.
- I don't watch shows on TV that are all about sex, murders etc.
- I watch the news, but only enough to stay informed - then I turn it off.
- I try not to surround myself with negativity.
- I read inspirational books and the Bible.
- I listen to music.
We have not been closely involved in a church for a long time. Even though we GO to church and hear the message, Bob has chosen to not be part of a church family. That may be part of my problem. I don't have any friends, not Christian friends. I work with people 8 hours a day and know most of them quite well, but they aren't "friends". The only true friend I have is 5 hours away. We email most days but we don't get to be together but maybe once or twice a year.
Why am I writing this? I can't really say - I guess it is because I know there are others out there that are hurting too. I just seem to have the voice to write about it. Do I have the answers? No, if I did I wouldn't be where I am right now.
My grandson and I were watching TV one day and a commercial for depression came on. He sat and watched it, then he stated; "Why don't they just GET OVER IT." I had to explain that it is a disease that they can't just get over, they have to work through it and it may never go away completely. If only it were that easy, just GET OVER IT.
Anyway, I hope to make 2010 a better year.
1. I will continue to NOT do things that make me feel bad or that are not good for my spiritual soul.
2. I will work more on my scrapbooking and preserving the memories of the good times.
3. My photography will continue to be a big part of my life.
4. My spiritual quest will continue into more study, prayer and growth then before.
5. I will pray for my family and their families for their needs of spiritual salvation, shelter and food.
6. I will pray for our government - as they continue to do what is NOT good for us that someway their eyes will be opened and make changes that need made.
May your New Year be fruitful and you examine your inner self and do what needs to be done to make you happy. Then we can be better for our mates and family.
Love to you all.
Sandy
